The Garzas

Big decisions and prayer

2010-04-12T16:58:00.001-05:00

I started this blog to inform the masses of where and what was going on with our fertilty. (see past blogs for the whole story), and now I am once again blogging about fertility.

Over the last few years, many of you have asked whether we will have any more children. And, our answer to that has been all over the place from no, to maybe, to yes, to no, etc.
As most of you know, we were able to freeze 3 embryos after the in-vitro process. These embryos were frozen in what is considered a perfect or near perfect state. They are the same state that the 2 embryos that were implanted when we got pregnant with Zach. At first, James and I were okay, donating these embryos to other couples, or allowing them to be used for research to help other couples that battle with infertility. However, when Dr. Dorsett showed us pictures of the embryos and said that they were frozen at a perfect state, it really made us start thinking differently and praying.
The ideal time to use frozen embryos maxes out at 5, but Dr. Dorsett would prefer it to be only 3. Well, this August marks the 3 year mark.
I am asking that you start praying for the decisions that James and I have to make regarding the use of these embryos. Several things have come up as points of concern and need for prayer as we look into going forward with this process.
The decision to use the embryos: Is this what God wants? Is this His will? Does He have in His plan for us to have another Child?
My emotional stability -I was broken, and torn by everything we did to have Zach. It changed me in so many ways, some for the better, but in some ways not. My priority is being the mother, wife, and women God has called me to be. I cannot feel, act, or go through what I did emotionally again. I would not be the mother and wife I need to be if I did. But, as you know I am easily consumed with an idea or what I want to happen. I need prayer that I am okay and peaceful no matter what the outcome of the in-vitro is. I need to be able to go through this process and not allow my heart to be consumed with the idea of having another baby.
Our marriage -The process to have Zach strengthened our marriage, yet changed it in many ways also. There were many disappointments along the way, and I ask for prayer that James and I would be there for each other and our marriage be strengthened not hurt by going through this process.
Zachary -With hormonal imbalances, transitions, different routines, etc, a toddler’s life can be turned upside down. We have been concerned with Zach and how a decision like this impacts his future. I have been comforted many times in Jeremiah 29:11, as I prayed this verse over Zachary from the beginning. We ask that you pray for Zach in this process, and his ability to adapt to a pregnancy, baby, and that he have a heart for Jesus and know him as his Savior! Zach will be going to preschool 2 days a week next year. Every day his sweet smile and laughter reminds us of the gift he is. Every runny nose, skinned knee, and even tantrum is cherished.
Finances -It AIN’T Cheap to have a Garza baby! J We are blessed, but financial decisions like this are always difficult. We know that a 2 nd child will change our budget, the way we live, etc, but the upfront cost is several thousand dollars if the in-vitro works or does not work.
God’s plan -In this decision, prayer for God’s perfect plan for a child is difficult for me. I want to pray for just one perfect healthy baby, and I find myself asking God not to give us 2, or 3, or 4 babies at once! How dare I put such a stipulation on God? I know that He will never give us more than we can handle, but having multiples is something scares us greatly! With any fertility treatment, multiples are always a possibility. And, with frozen embryo use, more embryos are implanted.
My health -Before and after Zach, I have had many minor health problems. I am going to need to get into good health for the in-vitro to have the best chance to work. I need to cut out caffeine, start exercising routinely, lose weight, and take better care of myself. I ask that you pray for self discipline because I like to eat and hate to work out. ;)
My career -Many of you know that it is changing, and brings about stress. The in-vitro process and pregnancy is time consuming. I ask that my job is flexible and provides the opportunity for the in-vitro to work. I ask that I be in God’s will and doing what he has designed for me to do. I love education and cannot imagine not working.
We are not sure if we will go through with this process, but our hearts have been open to having another child. I know that God has blessed us through Zach more than we ever imagined. His Grace is more than we deserve, but yet He gave us even more. The thought of having another child frightens me, and the thought of starting this process again brings to the surface emotions that I have pushed far away. I ask that you pray for us to have peace.

Relief!

2009-10-17T20:39:00.001-05:00

Praise God, I am much better! I have a filling in my tooth again and the pain is nearly gone.
I feel almost back to my old self. I have been down and out for over 2 weeks. I can not tell you how nice it is to sleep and be able to do laundry and housework without pain. Thank you for your prayers.

2009-10-13T22:24:00.000-05:00

The storms of life

2009-10-13T22:14:00.000-05:00

The latest storm in my life started last week. I was feeling a little off and went in to the doctor. Turns out I had the flu, strep, ear and sinus infection. Praise God my mother in law was in town by chance. I did nothing but sleep for 3 days. After that, I still felt like death but managed to go to work on Friday. On Wednesday of last week, one of my molars started feeling weird. I had a root canal and crown on it 5 years ago and didn’t think much of it. I had my teeth cleaned on Friday and they found nothing. I was in so much pain Friday night and Saturday I had to call the dentist. He prescribed a round of antibiotics and painkillers which did nothing for the pain. Sunday night I had an emergency visit with a special dentist for an abscessed tooth. Right now I am still in a tremendous amount of pain to the point in effects my work, my parenting, my relationship with James. I get very nauseous from the pain and not much helps it. They just called in a new antibiotic to hopefully get me some relief. I wish at this point I had them pull the tooth, but at the time saving the tooth was cheaper and seemed like a better choice.
With all of that going on I am trying to seek God and what he is trying to teach me. He has made it clearer than ever that James is a wonderful husband and father. He has taken great care of me and just let me sit, and cry. I am struggling with handling the pain and staying sane. I know that God has a lesson in all of this, I hope that I ‘get it’. It hurts me so emotionally to not be able to play with Zach and give him what he needs.
I heard this song on the radio. It made me realize that this is not a tragedy. I’m trying to suck it up, but it is hard!Sounds like life to me it ain’t no fantasyIt’s just a common case of everyday realityMan I know it’s tough but you gotta suck it upTo hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedyIt sounds like life to me

15 months

2009-08-16T21:49:00.002-05:00

The boots is 14 months.

WOW Time flies

Where to begin

2009-08-16T21:40:00.002-05:00

Where to begin…
I guess what is on my heart.I want to LOVE and KNOW JESUS better! I get so caught up in “me, me, me” that I do not put what matters most 1st. I know that to be the wife and mother that God has called me to be, I am going to have to put Jesus in my life in more places. What and how I am doing on that will come later.
I am currently, exhausted. No, I am not pregnant. But, it is that kind of exhaustion. Work is kicking my butt right now. I love what I do, but I feel so tired and lazy when I get home. I took Zach to daycare one morning and did not see him until the next morning. I told my boss that would never happen again. I am blessed because he totally understood.
I am also an emotional wreck. I don’t know if it is my raging hormones, hot flashes, stress from work, lack of sleep, physical exhaustion or all of the above. I know it is the hormones and stress that cause triggers these emotional lapses, but I hate it. I hate not feeling stable and not having it together.
We took a test at work about what color you are, and I am gold. That is not surprising, but I being gold is not always a good thing. I have to learn that when the plan, the schedule, and how I have planned everything in my head without even meaning to plan it doesn’t go my way it is okay.
My dear friend taught me so much about grace. I am currently living on that hope and faith that she taught me through God’s words. His Grace is sufficient. He is enough. I have to remember and cling to that daily.
Zach brings us more joy that we could have ever imagined. We are so blessed by him. My recent surgery has us thinking and praying about whether Zach will ever be a big brother. We are still unsure, but know it will not be for some time.

I can't even begin to blog about our summer. I need to so that it is on record. It was fun, exciting, and what I needed.

I need to be a better friend. I miss all of you so. Please know I love and care for you all. I may not comment, but I am reading again about your lives and sweet blessings.

Summer

2009-06-24T22:37:00.002-05:00

WOW-June is gone and we are about to hit the road again.

We were in Disney for a week. Zach did amazing. He really LOVED it! Mickey was his favorite. He even did the "Hot Dog" dance with characters at a character lunch. I would take him back at 13 months again. At first I thought we were crazy, but it was worth the sweat to see his sweet face experience Disney. Everyone asks our favorite part, and it really was seeing Zach's eyes light up at all the excitement. He would point and say 'ook' at things. He clapped so hard during the shows.

Zach went home with my parents GiGi and Pops, for 4 days while I went to San Antonio to a great conference. It was such a hard 4 days without him. My Mom and Dad would keep him forever if they could. I got to go and spend about a week with my family in Cooper. I truly miss where, how, and who I grew up with. It is a very special place. Zach truly loves country life. He loves the swimming pool, kitties, horses, and his little red wagon. Zach's uncle Welton took him for rides down the steep driveway and into the field. I almost had a hear attack, but Uncle Welton assured me it was not his first trip.
We will be in Lubbock for a few days and then are headed to Corpus for a week. The plan then is for me and Zach to go back to my parents for one last week.

WOW! This Summer is almost gone now!

What a Year

2009-04-27T20:30:00.004-05:00

This is my favorite picture. I miss sitting and holding him all day long!

These are some of the first pictures of Zach, with clothes on. ;)

This Saturday, May 2nd, is Zach's first birthday! What a year we have had filled with such JOY! I always knew that children were/are a blessing, but I have been blown away with what blessing Zach is. Each day, no matter the circumstance, his little face brings us such joy and happiness. I see in those big brown eyes, God's love, grace, mercy, and faithfulness. The sacrifice God made for me is even more real now.

I think back often of the dispair, hopelessness, and hurt in my heart trying to have a baby. How faithful our Lord has been to our family. How can we keep from singing his praise!

A few scriptures that are on my heart:

Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Ps 127:3

He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD. Ps 113:9

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jer 29:11

Spring Pictures

2009-04-11T23:32:00.002-05:00

We have too much going on to even begin to blog about it.
Being a working mom is tough, but we are so blessed. Zach is growing and changing every day. He tool three steps on 4/09 but does not consistently walk by himself. He can really cruise if he is holding a hand though.
Here are some Easter/Spring pictures.
I always had colored chicks growing up. I am so thankful Kelly found some and Bianca took Zach's green chick home with her.

Okay, so as always I tried to upload too many pictures at once and blogger pooped out.
I will post when it it not almost midnight.

For now, what is on my heart:
I serve a risen Saviour,
He's in the world today;
I know that He is living,
Whatever men may say;I see His hand of mercy,
I hear His voice of cheer,
And just the time I need Him
He's always near.Chorus:
He lives,
He lives,
Christ Jesus lives today!
He walks with me and He talks with meAlong life's narrow way.
He lives, He live,
salvation to impart!
You ask me how I know He lives:
He lives within my heart.

Haircut

2009-03-09T20:55:00.003-05:00

After

Right After

During

Before

My little boy looks like a little man now. Zach had his first haircut on Saturday. He did a really good job! I teared up for a minute.

Zachary and the terrible, horrible no good very bad day

2009-02-28T19:20:00.003-06:00

Have you read this book? It is a great book to read when you are feeling like you are having a bad day. I wish that I had it to read to Zach today. And to be honest, read to myself.
This week was not very bueno.
Zach had fever and a stuffy nose Wednesday and Thursday. I had a high fever Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I went to the dr. and my flu and strep test were negative. Thank God! I had a fever though and my whole body ached. I just knew it had to be the flu. I am still running a low fever with cold meds and antibiotics. Weird!

Today, James went to work out and then to work until 1:30. Zach and I had a very bad morning. I don't know if he is teething or just fussy, but I could do nothing right for him. He was hungry but didn't want his bottle or me to feed him. I put food on his tray and he got mad he couldn't get it all to his mouth. But, heaven forbid mommy put it in his mouth. Then to make matters worst, mommy attacked him with the nose saline and the booger sucker several times.

By the time James got home I was in tears. I was mad at Zach and mad at myself for being mad at Zach. It is not like a 10 month old knows what he is doing is driving me mad. If I could get air through my nose it probably would have helped the situation, but I can't breathe through my nose.

So, Zach is asleep and I am going to take my night time cold meds. Hopefully, this is the end of the very horrible, not good very bad day.

Great is your Faithfulness...

2009-02-15T20:37:00.004-06:00

My husband just said: "This horse just gave birth to another horse." Comments like that are why I love him. I was going to blog seriously, but I can't after that comment.

Okay, here goes...

Pictures of our daily reminder of how faithful God is are above. We had a great Valentines Day! Detials are below.

As we sang the words to this song this morning, I realized how true they are. More importantly, I realized how true they are and how much I truly believe them. As I sat and reflected, I confessed to myself and God that I have not always trusted and allowed my God to be faithful to me. He rocked my world to show me that he is faithful, true to his promises. He was he is and he always be to us, faithful, unchanging, and able to rock our worlds!

Great is Your faithfulness

You never change

You never fail, O God
True are Your promises

True are Your promises

You never change

You never fail, O God
So we raise up holy hands

To praise the Holy One

Who was and is and is to come
Wide is Your love and grace

Wide is Your love and grace

You never change

You never fail, O God
You were,

You are

You will always be

Valentines Day
We have gone out for Valentines Day the last 9 years with our dear friends, Bianca and Adam. This year was no different. We did throw a loop in things and went to Gilberts for Steak and lobster instead of the Frenchman Inn. We really enjoyed dinner, but we will be back at the Frenchman Inn next year.
James sent me flowers at school and got me a Chi. My Chi bit the dust last week. :)

The best gift was Zach giving me his card. :)
Thank you all for filling our lives with love!

NO MUMPS

2009-02-10T19:30:00.001-06:00

Just some weird unexplainable viral infection. Only James. We have Lysoled everything several times.
Zach is into everything. I can't get things baby proofed fast enough. How do you baby proof a fireplace? Any stairs baby proof advice?

The Mumps

2009-02-06T20:07:00.002-06:00

Well...James may have the mumps.
He has all the symptoms. They ran blood work but we will not have the results until Monday or Tuesday. We have him quarantined upstairs until we get the results back.
There is a good changes that it is an infection in the same glands that mumps get into.
There were 300 cases of mumps in the US. So that means there is a 1 in a million chance he has it. So if he does have it then we are going to buy lots of lotto tickets. I would prefer that our 1 in a million luck would be for the lotto than mumps.
Please pray that he does not have the mumps and will recover from whatever is wrong with him.

Carne Guisada Gravy

2009-02-05T18:21:00.002-06:00

I always said that I would use organic baby food. I try so hard to make sure Zach eats a balanced diet and organic when it can be. I confess that I do not do this as much as I should. Easy often takes over. Today, I realized that I use Avent bottles that are not BPA. There are lots of things I do that I said/thought I would not do. I will have to post about that later.
Before Christmas Zach's baby sitter said how much he loved mashed potatoes and gravy. I thought gravy??????????????? I send all organic baby food and he is eating gravy? I let it go very easily because she LOVES Zach and takes such good care of him. We are truly BLESSED to have this amazing women in our lives that loves Zachary as her own grandson. She only keeps him and her grandaughter.
Well the other day James comes homes. He was reluctant to tell me what the baby sitter had said. She informed James that Zach enjoys his baby food with carne guisiada gravy mixed in with it. James was proud as this is one of his favorite dishes. :) I am sure he gets lots of home made tortillas, beans, and rice as well.
So, I have traded my desire for all organic for love, nourishment, and an environment where Zach is taken care of not just watched.
But, I thought you would all laugh at Zach's love for Mexican food at an early age.

What has been happening

2009-02-05T18:09:00.003-06:00

It has been WAY too long. Zach is now 9 months. My how he has grown sense this 7 week picture.
I think list work better and are a much faster way to get everyone up to speed on what is going on in the Garza world.
Zach can crawl everywhere now and pull up on anything. He is taking baby steps while holding on to things.
I have (as of last night)give him freedom outside the living room area. My they get into things fast. He managed to pull everything off the end table, get into the dog's water bowl, try to eat Panzer's dog bowl, get out a box of zip lock bags from the bottom drawer, take all the kleenex out of the box, and find that he loves a pot on the tile floor. MISSION this weekend: BABY PROOF the house. Any suggestions on what, how, why?

Zach needs a hair cut, but we are so sad to have to give him one. Once he gets a hair cut any remaining baby features will be gone. I am loving every stage of his development. It is really hard to see my baby growing into a toddler. I cherished every moment of him being a baby, but now it seems like so long ago that he was just a bundle of sleep, eat, and poop. :) It is so hard to let go and allow and trust him to be protected by the Lord.

I am doing the 10 days of praying for your children from my friend Hillarie's blog. I want and desire Zach to love the Lord, the Word, and walk in the truth. I confess that I get so caught up in the every day to do things that I do not nurture my walk enough. I know that I must in order to show Zach how much Jesus loves him. My friend said one thing you will answer for when you get to heaven is your children and how you grew the gift God gave you.

Zach can play patty cake. He will be crawling around and look at you, clap his hands and say pa pa.
James and I both are doing well. We stay busy and enjoy just being at home as a family.
I have a new stroller. It is called a Valco buggster. This now means we have our graco stroller, 2 umbrella strollers, a jogging stroller, and this new one. WAY too many. We don't stroll that much. We got the buggster for Disney world. It is like a supped up umbrella.

I need to post an opinion poll. How do ya'll feel about backpack leashes? We are going to Disney and I think someone will be walking or toddling around by then.

BTW we have use of a sippy cup and straw down.

Pictures...finally

2009-01-17T16:25:00.004-06:00

All I got for Christmas was this bow...yea right! It took 2 cars to get it all home

Cousins

Giving mom kisses on the Riverwalk in San Antonio

Telling Santa what he wanted

Me and daddy

I let him have a taste of a cookie on the Polar Express Zach was really excited about what he got me for my birthday, an ESQ watch with diamonds
All of us on the Polar Express
I have a better pic of Zach and the Condutor but it takes forever to download
Zach was not really naughty this year

What's going on...or been going on

2009-01-08T13:02:00.002-06:00

Today, I am home with a sick little Zach. He has his first stomach bug. Luckily it is not too bad. I know it could be far worst. He is eating, some.
We had a whirlwind of a Christmas. How blessed it was to sit and open presents with our little miracle. He loved the paper, the bows, the lights, and the boxes all of his toys came wrapped up in. Of course, he did not realize that he is the best gift of all to so many people.
Here is a run down of what is going on with our family and Zach:
Zach can pull up all by himself. He is figuring out that he can pull up on anything and not just his toys. We have had a few head bumps, but nothing serious. ;)
Zach is crawling. He is no ready for the races, but he can get where he wants to go. No longer is he in the same place when I get back to him.
Zach flew on his first airplane over the holiday and did very well.
Zach got a little red wagon to keep at his GiGi and Pop's house in the country he loves that thing and his country cats.
Work is about to be super busy for me and always is for James.
I am trying very hard to not control everything but enjoy the evenings with my two boys. So what if the clothes never get folded and put up, they are clean.
Did you know that having healthy relationships is one of the most important things to maintaining healthy stress levels.
James got me John and Kate plus 8 Season one and two for Christmas. So, we all need to have a viewing party.
I have TONS of Christmas pictures I will get on soon.
Zach got to have his picture made with the real Santa in San Antonio. His pictures were MUCH better and only $5. That beats the $25 I paid at Holiday Happening with the fake Santa that don't show Zach's face.
Really that was a run down of what is going on with Zach.
Not much goes on with James and me because our world seems to revolve around Zach, in a healthy way. :)
I got to spend some good time with my best friend from high school that lives in Cooper. I miss you Julie Kay!
James is looking forward to March Madness.
We were both upset with our Red Raiders poor showing at the Cotton Bowl.
WE BOOKED A TRIP TO DISNEY WORLD IN JUNE!!! Zach is going with us. Our nieces will be there too. It should be such a fun time with our family.
I didn't proof this. So to my loyal following of folks that tell me all my mistakes...you probably have your work cut out on this one.

Winter

2008-12-08T21:42:00.004-06:00

I LOVE Winter. It is going to be so cold in Lubbock tomorrow and I can not wait.
We have been very busy sense Thanksgiving. I know it has been forever sense I posted.
Zach went to breakfast with Santa and Mrs. Clause. He really enjoyed it and loved the shopping at Holiday happening afterwards. ;) He does really well shopping, but he would rather be home with Daddy watching football and jumping in his bouncer.
He is on the verge of crawling. You can not leave him in one place and expect him to be there when you get back. I expect him to take off any day now.
He is sleeping really well at night still, Praise God!
Zach loves to eat and is doing really well with all his fruits and veggies.
I am no longer nursing. That was sad to give up, but we are both handling it very well.
I can not get over how much Zach is growing and changing daily. I LOVE being a mother.
We have a busy week. We are going on the Polar Express, have 2 Christmas parties and lots of packing, shopping, and wrapping to do.
This weekend James and I had some time together. My mom came in to keep Zach. Friday night we did some shopping and Saturday we went to a really fun Christmas party at some friends' house.
It is amazing how much more Christmas means now that I am a mother. I have a totally new take on the birth and death of our Savior now that I am a mother. It is hard to explain. To use a term I learned in graduate school, I now see things through different lenses than before.
I hope you and your family have a blessed Holiday!
Some random thoughts while I wait for pictures to upload.
I know there is a giant picture of Zach on the top of this blog. I have no idea how to fix it. Tara-ideas?
James and his brother Christ put up all of our lights outside before Thanksgiving. They plugged them in, blew a fuse, and now we have lights that don't work on our house.
I put a tree up for the 1st time in 4 years. It is really pretty if I do say so.
I know that giftcards are not the most personnel gift to buy, but I do it any way. I wish I had time to bake, but nothing says loving like $ to Starbucks.
I LOVE My new camera. But, it takes such amazing pictures it take blogger, facebook, myspace forever to upload. I might have to take special pictures with the old camera so I do not waste your time with my random thoughts while waiting for them to upload
I didn't have any spelling errors in this blog. Excuse the grammar mistakes.

Does anyone watch John and Kate plus 8. It is one of my favorite shows for the past few seasons. I have not missed an episode. I just read her book and admire her faithfulness and love for God through all that she has experienced.
James is reading the book "Marley" that is being made into a movie.
I find myself missing "Twilight" I plan on re-reading over the holidays unless you guys have suggestions.

So much yet so little time

2008-11-16T20:14:00.002-06:00

Things are going great around our house. Just a few thins to update
Zach went to the Dr. last Wednesday to get a shot for his croup. Long story short, he rolled off the exam table, got head x-rays, has a skull fracture, and is COMPLETELY FINE! Praise God.
We bought a Christmas tree today. We have not decorated in a few years because we are always gone, but we have a tree for this year. I am debating putting ornaments on it though. ;)
I started thinking the other day about how blessed that our family is. All my life I have been living for the next 'big' thing. God has blessed me with all the 'big' things in life, house, job, cars, wonderful husband, precious child, health, and so much more. God very clearly let me know to stop getting so wrapped up in the world and enjoy the blessings he has given me. So, I am trying to not worry so about the little things and just enjoying the little things of my wonderful,ordinary life.
I LOVE this time of year. I can't wait until the Christmas music starts playing. I love the decoration, the hustle and bustle, the lights and the smells of the holidays.
A list for those of you out there wondering about Zach.
He is 6.5 months old!
He can:
Roll over both ways
Scoot around on his tummy (he goes in a circle)
Tries to crawl
Sits up on his own and plays with his toys around him
Jumps in his jumper
Watches TV and tries to figure out what is going on
Pulls hair
Has 4 teeth
Is being slowly taken off breast milk
LOVES bananas

Probation

2008-11-03T13:07:00.001-06:00

Zach is own probation. He bit me and I am not talking about my finger. His two little teeth may look innocent, but they are not!
Any suggestions for a biter? He is about to loose the 'good stuff' from mom.
On another side note, he is very sick. He has a viral throat/respiratory infection going on. Poor little guy and poor mom. We were up all night.
I woke up feeling like I partied all weekend.

Proud

2008-11-02T11:03:00.002-06:00

There are lots of things I am proud of...
BUT...
This morning I am PROUD TO BE A TEXAS TECH RED RAIDER!!
Get your Guns up and GO TECH!! Beat OSU!
I missed the game to stay home with my sick little monkey. I can't believe I missed it, but I am so proud I missed it to be home with our son.
Before the sickness..
And yes, that is Graham holding our baby! We think Zach brought him luck.

Fall

2008-10-30T19:31:00.004-05:00

We have had a busy Fall. It has been busy but the best one ever now we have Zach.
I think back to life without him, and realize that he completes our family. It is such a blessing to see all the new things he discovers every day.

Teeth

2008-10-26T17:10:00.003-05:00

Zach has 2 bottom teeth as of last Sunday. Those little suckers are SHARP! He has not bitten me while eating, but I can only imagine. His days of 'mommy milk' may be numbered. :) My hope is to be able to feed him until Christmas time.
We went to the pumpkin patch and have some amazing pictures I need to get on here.
So, I am falling behind, as I have not even started Zach's baby book. I think blogging is more fun. I will hopefully do that this Summer. So, fess up, how many of ya'll ar good baby book keeper upers. I am sure many of you are.
Other things going on in Zach's world include:
He is trying very hard to crawl. Once he figures it out, it is over for us. ;)
He can roll over both ways.
He loves to such his thumb.
We are horrible at letting him 'cry it out' at night.
He is going to be a Monkey for Halloween.
I need ideas for good toys for Zach. I think I am going to make a toys r us wish list for family. Any good ideas out there? He is very active.
Baby Dedication was at our church this morning. How humbling and special it was to stand in front of our church family and give Zach to the Lord. I know that this is just what God wanted us to do and is the vow we made to Him.

And she made a vow, saying, "O LORD Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head."
As surely as you live, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the LORD. 27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD." And he worshiped the LORD there.
From First Samuel

Something I feel but could never really say the right way

2008-10-17T12:36:00.002-05:00

A wonderful friend sent me the link to the following blog. I know that many of you can relate with the feelings this blogger writes about and relates to scripture. As I think of my sweet Zachary and all he means to us, I know that it is not him that gives me the joy and peace I constantly seek, but only our Father. How often we seek our joy in other things, but He is enough and sufficient for me!
My friend says that this blog haunts her, and I think haunt is the correct word. It haunts me, and rattles me to my core. I am beginning to see I have yet to scratch the surface of the pain, longing, and grief that our family went through tyring to have Zach. I put on a happy face and was strong just to get by so many days.
Our God is enough!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Dawning in the Dark...
In my own way, I have known dark. A black memory's suffocated for years, this recurring nightmare of my younger sister's body falling under the wheel, her lifeless little body laying still in a pool of blood in our laneway. That horror-moment's smoldered at the fringe of dark days, branded our nights. Too, my mother’s mental hospitalizations, depression, and hauntings studded my childhood, months of me trying to fill Mama’s shoes that were painfully too large for little girl feet. Then divorce shattered our home, cracked our memories. Agoraphobia strangled me during my university years. I cried with the rain the day I miscarried. For me, in my own way, I have known moonless nights. Others know nights to fall far darker, inky, impenenetrable black. Terminal diagnosis, dug graves, empty wombs, living nightmares with no dawn in sight. Is He really enough? Dayenu? Like Jacob, on moonless nights we wrestle in the dark with He who allows this dark, this anguish. “I will not let you go until you bless me.” Like Jacob, we struggle with God:
Why this? Give me something different! Do you not love me? I didn’t ask for this, I don’t want this. The pain of this is unbearable, inhumane. Bless me! Bless me! He renames us. We are Israel, the God-wrestlers. Abram, Sarai, they know this writhing too, this wrestling in the night and how the cold dark wears at a soul. Hadn’t God heard their pleas for a child, a babe of their own, with Abram’s eyes and Sarai’s nose, to hold close and dream over? Month after agonizing month, Sarai is empty, nothing moves in her, their nights have no little one to swaddle and comfortingly kiss. They simply cling to each other in the moonless silence. God had promised. But has given nothing—or something: cutting sorrow. They self-medicate the pain. Sarai gives her husband Hagar and says. “Go. Sleep with her. Do what it takes to takes away this burning ache. Relieve this sore soul.” Come a night nearly a year later, the dark is pierced with a baby’s cry. A child! One to hold! A babe to rock, a son to love, a man with their name! The dawn must be close and warm? Instead the nightmare continues, Hagar and Ishmael, this thorn stabbing deep in Sarai’s side. For thirteen long years, the moonless night hangs. Then, finally, God appears: "When Abram was ninety-nine years old, the LORD appeared to him and said, 'I am God Almighty, El Shaddai.' ” El Shaddai, literally translated, reads, "God Almighty who is all sufficient" or "God Almighty who is more than enough."
Dayenu. More than enough.
A quarter of a century since the promise was made, and the dawn had never come. Thirteen stretching years of the pain of Hagar’s son while Sarai’s womb shriveled. In the smothering dark of that night, God now comes and says “I am El Shaddai. I am enough.” In a hopeless, impossible situation He says, “Come. Know me as the One who is enough, the sufficient God, El Shaddai.” Dayenu. More than enough.Is He really enough? Elizabeth Elliot writes her intimate experience of this God who makes such a claim:
“But it is precisely when we do not have what we would ask for, and only then, that we can clearly perceive His all-sufficiency.
It is when the sea is moonless that the Lord has become my Light.” Is it so? When I do not have what I would ask for---peace, certainty, painless days, settled nights --- when I don’t have all that my soul cries for, it is then I stumble into the mysterious, buoying truth: He is enough. He reveals Himself as the light, the dawn, when my night is the darkest. Grieving Boothe, having just lost her baby girl, writes courageously of her moonless sea of sadness:
“Sitting in the sorrow means embracing all the emotions, all the incredibly painful stabs of disappointment and anger and frustration and agony that jab at the heart almost every single second of the day...
It means finally, finally, embracing the fact that He has created nothing that will give us as much joy and peace and fulfillment as Himself.”
It is good that we have wrestled, for now we know: He alone is El Shaddai, the one who shows Himself to be enough precisely when we do not have what our heart howls for. Like Jacob, we haggardly come through the night. But the God-wrestle has left us changed. In the black, He has touched us. We limp and we remember. Like Jacob, we name this place, this moonless night of wrestling, Peniel-- literally meaning "God’s face"--- for in the middle of the black, we have seen God face to face.
And feeling along His features, we find Him to be El Shaddai: Enough. The dark becomes our dawn. Lord, let the dark come. For in the dark, when I think I don't have enough to make it through to the dawn, is the only place I'll find that You alone are more than enough. In my dark, You dawn. In the dark places of today, let me touch Your face and know You: El Shaddai. Today's drink of Scripture: "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of El Shaddai." ~Ps. 91:1 Reworking of a post from the archives
Posted by Ann Voskamp @Holy Experience at 7:00 AM
Labels: Eucharistic Living, Joy, Refiner's Fire, Worship

Boots

2008-10-02T17:49:00.002-05:00

Look at my new Boots!
Yes- I bought my child cowboy boots. He looked adorable, like a little cowboy. Zach (and James and I) went to Guthrie to the horse sale Friday night fajita dinner and dance. We had a really good time. Zach's boots were a hit.
We are all doing well. I am slowly adjusting...kind of. :)

Hope you guys are all well also.

Help and update

2008-09-12T11:01:00.000-05:00

I am a terrible blogger in every aspect of the word. I don't have time! Please pray for balance for me and my sweet family!
Help-Someone please tell me how to get my blog looking right. I have no idea, or the patience to figure it out. I'll give you my log in if you want to play around with it.
Zach is sick! It is his first time being sick like this. He has horrible congestion. You can hear how congested he is. He cries while he is sleeping. So, Zach and I or rather Zach has slept on me in the recliner the last 2 nights. I feel so helpless when he feels bad. To top all of this off, he had his 4 month checkup and shots yesterday. He was so tough when he got his shots. He only cried for like 5 seconds. He started running a fever last night from the shots. So between the shots and the congestion, Zach is a miserable little boy and mom is exhausted. So far, he is doing well today.
Zach weighed 16 lbs (75th percentile)
His head was in the 80th percentile
AND his height was in the 97the percentile!!!!! (26 and 3/4 inches) He is too long for most of his pjs!
I think he might be a hoss (that is such a hick term).

I'm having a really hard time lately putting on a happy face and pretending like everything is okay. I feel like I am juggling so many roles and not being 100% at any of them.
Other than that, all is going really well.
I started reading the Twilight series. I am hooked! I ready while I pump.
I hope all you guys are doing well. My goal today (sense school was cancelled because of rain) is to catch up on all your lives.

4 month pictures

2008-09-10T20:36:00.001-05:00

Here they are!

Just a few things

2008-08-22T21:56:00.000-05:00

I have so many things I could reflect and say, but once again, I am exhausted.

So, bulleted lists are now my friend.

Zach is getting so big, his feet, his hands, his legs, his head, his belly :)

He is holding is head up really well and focusing on things. He is getting really good at 'mini' push ups. He will 'talk' to you and just look around smiling and laughing. He blows bubbles and just loves life. He is a really happy baby. We are so blessed.

Our friend Averi and Eric had their baby Cade this week. I cried as I looked at our 2 precious sons and thought of the Lord's faithfulness to our families. These two babies will bring such joy to us, and are testaments of God's faith and love. What gifts they are!

I just realized that I am rambling, not listing. :)
Here are some pictures of our little/big guy.

It's 11:50 PM and I get up at 5:00 AM

2008-08-13T23:52:00.000-05:00

This is the first time I have posted sense I have been back to work.
I am too sleepy to post much of anything.
Other than-Work is good (BUSY) Please pray for me and my new role as mom and administrator.
Zach is Fabulous and LOVES his babysitter (Ms. Janie)
I feel like a milk cow while pumping what seems like every minute of every day. :) But, that is going well.
I do not see how working folks keep up with a blog. I am going to have to make an effort to keep it updated with Zach information. ;)

Back to work

2008-07-28T20:34:00.000-05:00

I have dreaded writing this email sense I found out I was pregnant. I have officially gone back to work. Friday was my first day, but today really feels like my first day. I am sure that it will be like a first day all over again next Monday when I leave Zach with the baby sitter, and another first day when school really starts.
Background-I have never imagined or thought of myself as a stay at home mother. I enjoy working. I have a new job for the fall where I will be in the classroom and have the flexibility to leave for Zach when he is sick and needs me. I have a great schedule that allows me more time in the evenings with him. I do not feel like staying home with Zach is what God has planned for our family.
With all of that said, leaving Zach has been the most difficult thing I have ever done. I don't even think it is the actual act of leaving him that is difficult, but all the thoughts that Satan allows to creep up and make me doubt our families decision. Such as, someone else will be with him more hours in the day than me, give him more bottles, work with him on how to read, write, count, and play with him. I am scared that I will miss something. I just don't want to miss a thing in his life. He is growing and changing so much every day.
After many prayers and worries from me, we have found a wonderful lady to keep Zach rather than put him in day care. She is my friends, hair dressers, mother. She keeps her 9 month old grand daughter and now Zach. I know that Janie is an answer to our prayers.
Please keep me/us in your prayers as becoming a working mother is a huge transition.

2 month pictures

2008-07-05T19:43:00.001-05:00

2 months

2008-07-05T15:05:00.000-05:00

Zach had his 2 month shots. I cried and so did he. That same day we also went back to the fertility clinic that we spent so much time at last year. As I went up the elevator, as I did so many days last summer, holding my beautiful baby boy, I was over come with emotions. I had to stop a minute before I went into the office to compose myself. There were so many times I walked through that door hopeless, scared, and wanting something I thought may never happen. As I stood there watching Zach sleep on my shoulder I once again was lost for words to Praise and Thank God, and just kept thinking what a miracle he is.
Zach weighs 12.13 pounds and is 24.?? inches long. His weight is in the 75th percentile, height in the 85th, and head size in the 80th. So, to sum it up, he is a big little guy.
We went for 2 month pictures today. They turned out well. I will post those later.

Pictures

2008-06-30T16:35:00.000-05:00

After a day of shopping Future Texas Tech Masked Rider
All dressed up in Mamaw Betty's antique chair
With Pops on the tractor

In bed at the hotel.
Waiting on room service

Road Trip

2008-06-30T16:13:00.001-05:00

Well, Zach has been on his first road trip. There are lyrics in a Pat Green song that say something to the effect of when you live out in West Texas you have to pack up all your stuff and hope to goodness you'll be back by Monday. (Those are the edited, Dana version of the lyrics)
Well, when you travel with a baby you literally have to back up ALL his stuff, and when you travel with my parents you have to hope you'll make it back before school starts.
Zach and I loaded up with my mom on Tuesday, June 17th and headed to Cooper, where I grew up which is about 8 hours from Lubbock. We visited great grand parents and friends on Wednesday, and headed to Broken Bow, Oklahoma for the Owa Chita festival at Beavers Ben on Thursday. We rented a beautiful cabin, and Zach went camping for the first time in style. The lake at Beavers Ben is beautiful. It makes me want a lake house and boat. Zach did not make it on the lake, but I did for a few hours. My brother, his girlfriend, my mom, dad, Mamaw Betty, and our cousins were all there. It was a great weekend. On Sunday, we regrouped back in Cooper and headed to Austin. Zach's first hotel was very luxurious. We stayed at the Renaissance. We ordered room service every morning, and even dessert one night. We decided we could get used to that kind of living. On Monday we went to the outlet malls in San Marcus. Zach hated the outlet malls and shopping all together. On Tuesday we dragged Zach to a wonderful mall in Austin. After fussing with me for about an hour, Zach decided to sleep in his stroller and just shop. He stayed at the mall for 5 hours. I LOVE big city shopping. They have so much inventory, ON SALE! I did not do much shopping for me, but my petite size 4 mother did. That is another blog for another day. My mom was so much help with Zach. She loves him so much. On Wednesday we headed back to Cooper to stay for a few days. I stayed at Mamaw Betty's house in Cooper, and my parents stayed in Charleston in the house I grew up in. My brother lives there now. It is WAY out in the country. Zach and I would get up and go out about lunch time. Zach had lots of firsts in Cooper. He watched me and mamaw Betty chase and kill a mouse in her living room, road on the big red tractor with his Pops, and started smiling when you sing and talk to him. We finally made it back to West Texas on this past Saturday. James picked us up in Guthrie where my parents live now. Zach did so good in the car. He was a real trooper, and I am so glad we got to do this. We were both really glad to see James and be home!
Spoiled
Zach is spoiled! Some people say you can not spoil an infant. So, Zach is not spoiled, but he prefers to sleep in the comfort of my arms or anyone elses. He will go to sleep in his swing, bouncy, or car seat by himself some times. He fights sleep, and prefers to be rocked to sleep. Right now he is crying (not screaming, but he will in a few minutes) on his play mat because he wants to be held. I LOVE holding him so I am not much help in breaking him of this. I figure that he can get unspoiled at daycare, but as long as I have him I am going to hold and love him. I love the fact that he is a snuggler.
Well, crying has gone to screaming. I'll post pics later.

Some pictures

2008-06-12T20:06:00.000-05:00

Are you my mommy, because you do not have my tan?
My first smile.
Bright eyes

Zach will be 6 weeks old tomorrow. I had a good dr. appointment today. It is hard to believe it has already been 6 weeks. I can not get over how much Zach has changed and grown. Every moment is truly special.
We have had had our little world turned upside down the last 2 weeks. To make a long story short, we have a new air conditioner. If you have not noticed it has been hot in west Texas.

Carseat, awe, and other things

2008-06-03T19:11:00.000-05:00

Whoever said babies love their carseat was lying! Or, the never met Zach. He hates it. Well, that is not entirely true. He will tolerate it when he is sleepy, the car is moving, and there is fuzz(static) on the radio. If he is awake, hot, cold, or cranky he HATES it and will scream until he gets out. As you can imagine this makes shopping a bit difficult.
We are going to Oklahoma and Austin with my parents in a few weeks, so my mom and I have put Zach on a training schedule. He has to learn to love his carseat, so we shop! The last few trips have been a lot better. So, he is making progress.
Zach went to church for the first time last Sunday. I can not even describe how it felt to praise God during worship while our miracle sat next to me (in his carseat another miracle). I teared up just thinking of the times I cried and poured my hear out to God for a baby. The only words I can think of to describe how I feel for Zach at times is just Awe. I am in awe and how perfect and wonderful he is. I am in awe of how faithful to His promises my Lord is. I am in awe of how I can feel so much love for someone. I am in awe at how our Father gave up is only son for me, for my son, for us. I hope and pray that Zach will be in Awe at the faithfulness and love of our Father.
A funny church note...Zach peed on his really cute outfit. Only a few people saw him styling in his little plaid onesie and khaki shorts and tiny sandals. I did not even get a picture. He probably won't get to wear it again. He is in that in between stage where everything is either too little or too big. It is very similar to the wardrobe issues I have right now. :)
Zach loves his play mat and has become very aware of his toys. He is staying awake more and really observing the things around him. It is so much fun to see him developing. He is growing so big in size and his mind.
I need to post more pictures, but our computer crashed. Don't worry they were backed up, but on the computer upstairs. We have a new laptop. YEA!

2 week pictures

2008-05-18T16:20:00.000-05:00

Here are a few of our 2 week pictures.

You have to turn your head; I don't know how to change that yet.

Zach has got his birth weight back on him. He weighed in at 8lbs and 8 ounces on Thursday. So, he is eating well. He likes to eat every 2.5-3 hours. We got the go ahead to not wake him up at night to eat, but he still likes to wake up and eat. I hope and pray for 4-5 hour stretches at night.

My friend, as she gave us a bag full of cute Texas Tech outfits, said that Proverbs 22:6 says - "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." We feel that one of our obligations as parents is to show him that one of the ways he should choose is the Texas Tech way.

Suction

2008-05-13T13:00:00.000-05:00

Zach has some congestion. He sounds like a little pig snorting around some times. It is not too terribly bad yet. I had to get the bulb suction thing after his little nose to help him sleep and eat better last night. He HATES it. He screams and wiggles and tries to push my hands away. It breaks my heart. I know that I will be doing things that he does not like but are for his own good a lot more as he grows up. But, it is SO hard.
He slept all night in his bassinet. This is the first time. He has ended up on my chest. I know this is a terrible habit, but in the wee hours of the morning it works for us both to sleep.
We have discovered the benefit of gas drops.
He is still eating very well.
We have a 2 week dr. appointment on Thursday. He will get shots and some test run then.
I am recovering very well. I can go way past the 4 hour time limit without my pain pills. And sometimes Tylenol will fix me up as well as the pain meds.
James went back to work on Monday. We miss him terribly, but Mamaw Betty is here. She does all the laundry, ironing, and cleaning. We are going to be so spoiled when she leaves.
I told James today that it would be nice if we were independently wealthy so he could stay home with us every day. ;)
This baby has really increased my prayer life. I have always struggled with praying continually. I can not help but pray for him and with him when he is in my arms, when I am listening to him breathe before I go to sleep, while he is swinging, etc, etch.

home sweet home

2008-05-09T04:37:00.000-05:00

I love this face! Ignore my shoulder.

We have been home sense Monday afternoon. That same afternoon, a 'mini-tanning bed' for babies called a 'billie light bed' for Zachary. His jaundice levels were too high when we left the hospital and the dr. wanted him under the light until his levels went down.
Well, today (really yesterday sense it is technically Friday now) we received news that his levels are down, and he does not have to be in his 'tanning bed' box any more. The company will pick it up some time on Friday. The nurse said it would not hurt to keep him in it until they picked it up. So, he spent his last night in it.

We now have to start over again in a sense as far as getting him to go to sleep on his own. The bed had an amazing calming effect on him. We don't know if it was the lights, the low humming sound, or both, but he would be fussy and then lay in his bed and be content.

Being first time parents, we worry like crazy about him. Someone has been awake 'watching' him in his bed to make sure he is okay. Tonight should be interesting as he will be sleeping in his bassinet and/or pack and play.

He can finally start to wear clothes! I must confess though that I really like him in only his diaper. I can stare at his little feet, hands, legs, etc. for hours.

I must blog for a minute on my wonderful husband. Seeing James as a dad has made me fall deeper in love with him. His love for his son is something that is so precious and can be seen in the way he looks at him. James has been wonderful in taking care of me and his new baby. I have changed very few doctors (I meant diapers, Thanks Leah!) and been able to rest thanks to James.

I want to blog about this being my first mother's day, but know it will be an emotional one. I think I will put it on hold considering I just started crying thinking about James.

I am feeling a little better each day, just soar. I must start walking, even if it only a little ways. I have been walking and up a lot in the house.

He's HERE!

2008-05-04T07:00:00.000-05:00

Zachary was born at 12:58 on Friday, May 2nd. He was 8 lbs and 21 and 1/2 inches long.

We are both doing well.

I will bost more and better pictures later.
Did you know...the hospitol blocks the use of myspace and facebook? Just and interesting fact.
Thank you all for praying for us.
Much love!

Friday is the DAY!

2008-05-01T13:56:00.000-05:00

We did not get to do the amnio this morning because there was no room or pockets of fluid. We got a shot of steroids to make sure his lungs are ready. Both doctors feel good about delivering tomorrow.
So, tomorrow afternoon our baby Zach should be here.
On another note, I have a cold. I am getting better but have definitely felt better. I have not been sick this entire pregnancy. I am hoping and praying that I am fully recovered by 1:00 tomorrow.
Please continue to pray for us.
We will update with pictures and info. as soon as we can.

The latest

2008-04-28T20:12:00.000-05:00

Nothing new to report after today's doctor visits.
He is still a big, breech, boy. ;)
He did have to be woken up during the stress test with a little buzzer/vibrating thing. He did not like that and got busy moving after he was so rudely awaken.
Friday is still 'the day'. We will still do the amnio on Thursday and any results over 50 will make Friday a for sure 'go'.
The dr. wants to go ahead with the amnio to make sure there are no surprises with his lungs.
I will have James email on Friday when we have Zach here and settled in. (If settling is possible.)

Lemon Chills

2008-04-24T16:35:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had a Lemon Chill? If you have not, I highly recommend them. I have only had them at extremely hot sporting events, but I have seen them for sale in stores before. Well, last night, I decided that I needed one. However, to my disappointment United did not have any. I nearly broke down and cried in United. I know that is crazy, but I really wanted one. James convinced me to get some Dryers fresh fruit Popsicles. I love the lime flavor. I would highly recommend these if you are looking for Popsicle texture in your frozen summer treats.

Little did I know that my pregnant friend Bianca was having a Lemon Chill craving across town. She is a much better detective than me, and found something very similar to a Lemon Chill (after going to Wal Mart, Lowes, and United) at Sam's Club. It is a Minute Maid Soft Frozen Lemonade. I LOVE them. They have 3 flavors, Cherry Limeade, Lemonade, and Strawberry Lemonade. You don't even need a spoon. The max I have eaten in 1 day is 2, but that is only because James suggested that I probably did not need the extra sugar right before I went to bed.

For those of you that read this blog to keep up with the baby, sorry for this random post.

Just some stuff going on

2008-04-18T16:15:00.000-05:00

Pregnancy
I have said many times that I LOVE being pregnant and this has been a great pregnancy. I now have to change how I feel about being pregnant. I LOVE being pregnant when I am sitting at home in my recliner and don't have to go to the bathroom. ;) I have started to get physically uncomfortable now that my due date is approaching. I don't know if it is the anxiety and anticipation, my need to nest and not rest, or that I am carrying around a 7+pound baby and a few other pounds. Although I am uncomfortable most of the day, I can still say I LOVE being pregnant, and feel truly blessed to have this experience. I can not explain the joy I have of feeling Zach move in my stomach and being able to look down and see his tiny head move about.
To Do list
I have a running to do list, and a daily to do list. Often times I find myself forgetting about the to do lists altogether and just sitting with my feet up. I do not know how all you moms did this with other children running around.
I think the only thing left we really have to do before the baby comes is put the car seat base in the car.
I need to pack some more things for the hospital, but I have an emergency bag packed just in case my water breaks or I go into labor.
We finished the nursery, got the pack and play and swing put up, got an amazing glider/recliner that I LOVE, got a new TV (note this was not on the original to do list, Happy Mother's day to me, and anniversary, and father's day :)), and got clothes and sheets and blankets washed.
I still need to boil pacifiers. I have yet to open the good ole breast pump to try to figure out how that works. I also need some baskets to keep some things down stairs for the baby.
This Weekend
I am excited about breakfast with the lifestyle lady leaders. How amazing Janis is to have us in her home. I LOVE breakfast food too.
We have a 'meet the newlyweds' party on Saturday night. I am excited to see some old friends and people I taught with at Hutch.
I am sad I am going to miss the Red and Black football game to take a nap, but sleep sounds much better at this point.
Non-stress test
Zach has passed all his non-stress test. Hearing your babies heartbeat is amazing. A lot is going on in his tiny little world. You can even hear it when he moves, sometimes.
Brittany
My brother's girlfriend had her second surgery to attach her small intestine to her rectum and remove her 'bag'. She made it through very well on Thursday, and is recovering well today. The doctor is a little concerned about any infection, or tears, but seemed satisfied with the way the surgery went.

TAKS...I forgot...almost

2008-04-07T20:15:00.000-05:00

That little thing called the Math TAKS test is tomorrow. I must not have much of a worry problem because I really had forgotten about it while talking/typing about Zach. Man, this baby really changes my perspective on things.
If my kids don't pass they don't get to go to high school. Some, in Stephanie's words, need a miracle. So, please pray for these kiddos.
I don't have to give the test. Apparently, me going to the bathroom every 20-30 minutes would be distracting.

Worry!

2008-04-07T20:13:00.001-05:00

I had a wonderful friend tell me at the beginning of my pregnancy that I would never stop worrying about this baby for the rest of my life, and that some worry is okay and not something I should place so much guilt on myself for having. This helped me struggle with the battle I was having between trusting God, not worrying at all, and the guilt I was putting on myself for the worry. She explained that a motherly instinct is God given. I am not having the struggle of worry creep back up into my life. There are so many what ifs going on in my head right now regarding our baby. I joked with someone the other day that nothing about this baby had been conventional so I doubted that his birth would be. The realization that there could be issues with his lungs, issues with his breathing, and just issues with his arrival scare me more than anything. I love this baby more that I could ever have imagined, and every kick and roll is so precious and God given.
I know that God has our family and this baby in His hands and Zach will arrive in God’s perfect timing. Still, I want for him to be healthy, and safe. I want for him to be able to be in my arms. I have learned though that what we want is not always God’s plan.I guess I am writing all this to say, I am struggling with the unknown again. That seems to always be my struggle, not being willing to give up the unknown and have the faith that I should.
Please pray that Zach’s lungs will develop, and his little body would be perfect and healthy when he is born. Please pray that the doctor’s will have wisdom in how to care for us over the next few weeks. And, please pray that God would give this control freak of a soon to be mother some peace and guidance.

Our Growing Baby Boy, amnio-what, and stress tests

2008-04-07T20:06:00.001-05:00

Today we went in for our 2 week appointment. I am 34 and ½ weeks pregnant (Can you believe that?)! My weight gain is staying under control (PRAISE GOD) and everything seems to be going well with me. My blood pressure is still great. Other than a little swelling (that just started Sunday) and some killer indigestion when I eat what I want in large amounts, I am still having a wonderful pregnancy. I just realized all of that might be way TMI, but ya’ll know how blunt I am. Pregnancy is not for the modest or shy, and I was neither to begin.
Now, on to what most people seem to care about, our precious baby boy. (I really can’t blame themJ) Two words still describe him well, big and breech. My regular doctor measured him at about 6 and ½ pounds today, but said that was underestimating a little bit. He is concerned about his size and his lung development. He does not like to take babies 2 weeks early unless he knows that their lungs are developed. Given we are 100% sure on the due date, he suggested that we do an amniocentesis on May 1st, and then from the results determine if we should do a c-section on May 2nd or wait until early around the week of May 5th. I am assuming if the results are not good they will go ahead and give me steroids for lung development and monitor me for a few days after the 1st. I am a little apprehensive of the amnio, but Dr. Killeen eased these fears. Still, that is a very big needle, and my water could break, or it could send me into labor. Me going into labor with a big, breech baby is a concern because we would like to avoid an emergency c-section.
My diabetes tests were both okay, and the important three hour one I passed with flying colors. For some reason though, the dr. is concerned about his size and lung development (research on my own and lots of discovery channel watching have led me to understand that babies born to mothers with gestational diabetes tend to be large babies but their lungs are not always developed).
His size and position are the main concern right now. I could tell that the dr. was trying to not make us worry for no reason, but was concerned about our situation. He wants us to do non-stress tests twice a week to keep close tabs on our growing boy. If he decides to flip or wiggle around, he wants to make sure everything is okay with him.

Friday Dr. appointment

2008-03-28T17:25:00.000-05:00

Here is the update as of Friday.
2 words can sum up our baby boy, big and breach! He is estimated to weigh 6.3 pounds right now, at 33 weeks. The doctors say that he looks very healthy, but is an above average baby for his weight.
My blood pressure is still looking good as well. My official due date is still May 15 th , they won’t change that no matter how big he gets. They know that May 15 th is exactly 40 weeks. However, if he stays breech, they will take him 2 weeks early. This puts us looking at a c-section the first week of May.
There is a slight possibility that he can still turn. The doctors said to never underestimate their turning ability, no matter how big they are. But, they also said that when a baby is ‘frank breech’ (feet in front of their face) and so big, the chances of them turning is more unlikely. We guess he just likes hanging out the way he is. He has been breech at every sonogram sense 14 weeks.
We did not get any ‘good’ pictures of him again today. He is looking toward my spine, so all we see is his spine and the back of his head. Occasionally, you can see a little foot or hand. We know he has all 5 toes on one foot. ;)
I start seeing my doctor once a week starting a April 7th. He is going to probably start doing non-stress tests then to make sure that everything is going okay with the baby. Dr. Killeen takes amazing care of both of us, and wants to make sure that everything is going and growing like it should.
I have always felt like this baby would be here a little earlier than May 15 th , and it looks like I might be right. It is hard to believe that if he stays the way he is, we could have a baby in 5 weeks! I have so much I need to still do!
Thank you all for your prayers and love for this child God has blessed us with.

Already getting an 'A'

2008-03-24T19:14:00.000-05:00

Well, as of today, Zachary is in the 90th percentile for his weight (5.5 lbs, a prediction). That means 10 percent of babies are bigger than he is at this stage. HOLY COW, he is a big boy.
He is still breach with his butt down, head up, and feet in front of his face. It is called Frank Breach for all you savvy people that know about breach babies.
The doctor says he has seen babies turn, but would be surprised in this babies case because he has been breach the entire time. I think he has gotten himself stuck, but maybe he will change his mind and turn. Even if he turns, I don't want to think about how big he will be and having him naturally. He is still supposed to gain a 1/2 pound a week, and we have 8 weeks left.
In 2 weeks the dr. wants to start the non-stress tests to play it safe. If he stays breach we will schedule a c-section 2 weeks before my due date to ensure that I don't go into labor.
We have been blessed with an amazing dr. that really understands our struggle. He takes great care of us, and plays it extra safe to ensure a healthy baby and mom to the best of his ability.
I go to the sonogram specialist on Friday for more precise measurements, and to see how all his little insides are developing.
I will post an update then, and maybe some nursery pictures. I am a horrible picture taker.

Nursery Update

2008-03-22T22:18:00.001-05:00

A while back, I had a nursery to do list.
I have made some progress.
Get new light/ceiling fan-DONE
PAINT-DONE 3 walls khaki, one wall dark chocolate brown
Put the stuff in the closet in the attic-Done, Thanks James
Get a mattress for the crib-Done
Wash the crib sheet (note to self, buy Dreft)-I have not washed it, but I have it on the bed to see what it looks like. I also have lots of random things in the crib because I don't know where to put them.
Iron the dust ruffle and quilt-Still need to do this
Find window treatments-I got a roman shade with a sun/solar block panel
Get a glider-We found what kind of rocker we are going to get but still need to order it. The major problem of where to put it in the living room has been solved.
I bought a lamp, but need to do something with the lamp shade, like cover it it teal fabric.
We finished the dresser
All drawers and closet shelves were covered with contact paper
I organized the clothes by size in his closet
I got his name painted and put on the wall, and another sign over the changing table
We still need to:
Put up a shelf
Find something to go over the crib
Put together the pack n play and swing
And I am sure a multitude of other things in the next 8 weeks (or less)
WOW! I am down to single digits of weeks left!

Thankful

2008-03-22T21:59:00.001-05:00

My natural pessimistic attitude some times gets the best of me. I heard a segment on the Today show last week about choosing your attitude, and it got me thinking. As a Christian, it struck me that I have no reason to be so pessimistic because of the hope and truth that I have been promised by our Lord and Savior.
So, a list, of things I am thankful for seemed necessary.
I am thankful:
For a wonderful, supportive, and loving husband (even through all my hormone fits)
Our precious son that is growing inside me, and the opportunity to be parents.
The opportunity to experience pregnancy. I realize this blessing is not promised, but an amazing gift, every aspect of it.
A family that loves and supports us. If I have never mentioned it, I have GREAT in-laws. I love James' family like my own.
A loving church family, and the ability to worship freely our Lord!
My dog Panzer. She is 7 years old and truly brings me joy. She is sick right now, and the thought of not having her frightens me. I love her so much.
We have wonderful friends! So many of them love our son already, and pray for him.
God has blessed us with more material things than we deserve, and I am thankful for our house, cars, and the ability to eat out.
The little joys of life, like TV, air conditioner, March madness, and shopping.

I need to make a list like this more often. It has left me feeling peaceful, content, and thankful. I needed a change of attitude and heart before church in the morning. I know that Easter, is the perfect time to be thankful and joyful for the greatest sacrifice ever made!
What am I most thankful for: my savior rising for me!

I LOVE Spring Break

2008-03-19T20:01:00.000-05:00

I just thought I would let everyone know that!
One perk of being a teacher, the vacations.
Some times it is difficult to find the perks in teaching, especially in the Spring. I think they give us a break when they know we don't have the energy to come back.
For all of those on vacation, I hope ya'll are enjoying!

This and that

2008-03-13T19:36:00.000-05:00

It has been a while sense I wrote anything.
Not much has been going on. SPRING BREAK is in 1 day! I can not wait. Man do I need this break. My energy levels are starting to go down again, but that is to be expected.
We had a wonderful baby shower in Corpus Christi last weekend. I flew down on Thursday night with the thought that I would get there in a lot less time than driving. That was not the case at all. I was delayed in Houston for over 3 hours. I was physically and emotionally exhausted by the time I finally got to my mother in law's house at about 2:00 in the morning. I was one of 'those' people that lays down on the seats at the airport. The trip back on Sunday was long, but we stopped a lot, and the baby and I did fine. I will not be going any where else any time soon. Like I said, it was a ton of fun, but exhausting.
My mom got the nursery painted and it looks really great. The walls are beige and one is chocolate brown.
I guess that is it for now. I am thinking about going to bed at 8:00 tonight. The time change has made me feel a bit guilty for my early bed times.

Glucose Test Results

2008-02-29T20:11:00.001-06:00

First of all, God is SO faithful! His love and goodness really have been evident in every step of this pregnancy journey. How silly of me it was to doubt that me and the baby were not going to be okay in regards to the diabetes. God just keeps working on me to stop worrying and let Him have COMPLETE control. He reminded me again how that I am not in control, and there are so many little and big things that I have no control of.
So, with that said, my glucose test came back A-okay; I passed! I was more relieved to pass this test than my principal certification. It is amazing how pregnancy puts perspective on other things you think are important. I did have my blood drawn 4 times in 4 hours, but the in-vitro prepared me for being stuck a lot. The nurse seems to think that my body has a problem with refined sugars, and I just need to be careful. So, I tried to think what sweet things that I indulge in that I would really cut back on. I really could not think of anything dessert related that I eat daily, or even weekly. I haven't been running out to Sheriden's or for Blue Bell and cookies. However, I do drink a lot of juice and eat lots of carbs. I am going to try to cut back on these things and eat more fruit and vegetables. Before, I got pregnant I was on a diabetes medicine to help my body process sugar and glucose something or another related to my hormones. So, I think I(with no medical basis) that the test results all have something to do with that.
Currently, my husband is exposing me to the Foo Fighters. Apparently, I have missed out on a significant event not knowing much about them. I can't help it I grew up in Cooper, TX. I can sing every country song known to man.

Glucose test...attack of the kool aid drink...and 1st Dr. visit this week

2008-02-26T19:39:00.000-06:00

After eating a candy bar, I went off to my monthly doctor's visit.
I have been lucky to not crave sweets, and have been doing really well not partaking in desserts. I do eat lots of fruit, but have even cut down my juice intake because of the sugar in it. I had no idea they were going to do my glucose test! Well, my levels came back a little bit high (and no, it was not a result of the candy bar). I got the results this morning, and they want me to do the 3 hour glucose test on Thursday morning. The nurse said it was not that high, but they wanted to make sure it was okay. I of course, am worried. Before I got pregnant, I was on diabetic medicine because my hormones impacted the way my body processed sugar, and it was supposed to help the fertility issues.
The baby was measuring at over 3.5 pounds! Most charts say he is supposed to be a little over 2 pounds. He is a little pig. ;) His size makes me worry (not the dr. or nurses) because, diabetic babies are often larger, but their lungs and sort are not developed. He is still head up, and kicking my bladder. I told James, he better turn before he runs out of room.
On a lighter note...I only gained 2 pounds. Ha..lighter note. :)
I go to the specialist on Thursday after my glucose testing.
Everyone has said how terrible the glucose drink is. I was able to get it down, but it was not too terrible. It reminded me of red kool aid that had about 10 times too much sugar in it.
Please pray that all the testing goes well on Thursday. I am a little bit worried, but feel very peaceful about it.

What can Brown do for you?

2008-02-20T16:21:00.000-06:00

The bedding was on my front porch when I got home today! YEA UPS guy! Let me just say that Brown has done a lot for me today. :)
I LOVE the bedding. I was having some doubts, but it is perfect. The white in the picture is actually a khacki/beige color.
I am at a little bit more peace about the nursery now. But, here is a list of things I (James) still need to do for it to be 'ready'. In no particular order...

Get new light/ceiling fan
PAINT-My mother is coming on March 8th to take care of this. I won't even be in town. SCARY, leaving her in charge, but she has good taste.
FIGURE OUT how to paint the room. One wall dark brown with the other khacki, all khacki with polk a dots on one wall, half khacki and half weird blue color, blue and brown stripes. There are so many options.
Put the stuff in the closet in the attic
Get a mattress for the crib
Wash the crib sheet (note to self, buy Dreft)
Iron the dust ruffle and quilt
Find window treatments (I am just goint to get a sun block panel (the setting sun comes right through the window in the afternoon/evenings), and a sheer brown curtain for now. The window valance will not be here until JUNE 2nd. Have I mentioned, how much that bothers me? I will let it go though sense I have the bedding.)
Get a glider, side table, and lamp

More on the baby bedding

2008-02-16T14:58:00.000-06:00

According to JC Penney online, THE BEDDING SHIPPED on February 14th. I am anxiously waiting for it to be delivered. Part of me was thinking, 'they should have sent it over night.' I was also mad at myself for not requesting this in one of my many hormonal rants. I am very thankful that I will hopefull have the bedding next week. That poor bedding better be as cute as it is in the catalog and online. :) Cross your fingers that it is.
Check it out and let me know what you think about it.

http://www2.jcpenney.com/jcp/Products.aspx?ItemID=1332900&ItemTyp=G&GrpTyp=PRD&ShowMenu=T&ShopBy=0&SearchString=mad+about+plaid&RefPage=SearchDepartment.aspx&CmCatId=SearchResults&Search1Prod=True

The nursery battle

2008-02-12T17:19:00.000-06:00

The nursery battle started last week. Well, really as soon as we knew we were having the baby. It has taken me a while to be able to write about this without my blood pressure rising significantly. It’s funny, now that I am pregnant when I get mad I feel my heart start to beat faster and my face turning red. That is another story in itself.
Background on the nursery
In December before our 19 week visit, I ordered baby bedding. I just knew that we were having a boy, and our doctor pretty much called it at 14 weeks. So, I searched the internet far and wide and found a bedding I liked called Baby Picasso made up of blue and brown colors. Well, my mom came into town and we decided that we like one from JC Penney’s called mad about plaid that was blue and brown better. So, mom gave us gift cards and we ordered Mad about Plaid. It was not going to ship until February 2nd, but I was okay with that.

Last Monday, I called Penneys to ask where my bedding was and if it had been shipped. Well, they said it would ship February 5th. I threw a fit about this, even though it was only a few days. Well, the 5th came and went and the bedding was not shipped. To make a long story short, I called JC Penny every night last week. On Thursday they told me the bedding would not ship until April 30th. As you can imagine, this posed a problem. My due date is May 15th. I was so upset and frustrated that I had to have James call. James called and talked to a guy and they worked something out as far as canceling the order and getting cash back. Well, then a lady called and said the bedding would ship by this Friday, the 15th. I said, okay that would be fine. On Friday, I called back and the ordered had been cancelled. During this whole ordeal, I was fine with it being cancelled because I knew I could order Baby Picasso that I originally wanted to order. Well, come to find out Baby Picasso was on back order at EVERY store that sold it, and could not be shipped until late March. So when I found out they cancelled, it I nearly had a mild heart attack in the hallway at school. The poor lady that had to deal with me managed to save the order and assured delivery by the 15th.

At some point, I broke down because of all of this. James said I could go and get bedding any where in town. (He didn’t know at the point that bedding at Kidspace was about $400.) I was ranting and raving about how the nursery is the most important part of the baby coming, and the most fun thing to do. It seems like everything that has had to do with the nursery has been difficult.

THEN after all of this it hit me! I stopped and listened to what God was trying to say/teach me sense the beginning of the nursery battle. It is not about the nursery. It is not about having a room for the baby perfect in every way so everyone can tell me how cute it is. It is about preparing our marriage, our hearts, and our future for this baby. If I would be so consumed with my relationship and walk with Jesus as I had been this nursery, I would be at a much better place. God rocked my world with this revelation. It all came together and made sense to me. In our crazy lives, that are about to get crazier, I can’t control everything. I might as well stop trying to control them and truly turn every aspect of my life over to God. I thought I had learned my lesson about letting go and giving up control, but God quickly reminded me that I still had so much to learn.

So, with this I can truly say I have let the bedding/nursery issue go. Zach will have a home to come home to where he is loved and truly cared for. He will be brought up in a family that adores him and LOVES God. He will be raised as a gift from God and given back to Him all the days of his life.

GERMS and the weekend

2008-02-03T15:01:00.000-06:00

One of the joys of teaching are all the germs that are spread around. I have never considered myself a germ freak until this year. I find myself germ-xing my hands ALL the time. I give my students germ-x when they walk into the room, lysol my desks, and use extra germ-x after I touch any papers that have been touched by a student.
Luckily, our amzing Lord gives pregnant women a mega-immune system. I have been very blessed to have not 'caught' any of the lovely illnesses going around this time of year. (Knock on wood) I have had my share of allergies, but even those have been managable. I did wake up this morning exhausted and congested because of the garage sale, and I probably over did it setting things up.

We had an amazing, yet exhausting weekend. We finally got the baby's room cleaned out, with the exception of the things that need to go in the attic. All week we worked on getting ready for a garage sale on Saturday. Things started off realy slow and COLD, but in the end we had a relly great garage sale. The best part was that we got rid of the workout gym that was in the soon to be nursery. It amazes me that God knew exactly who to send to our garage sale, and that he knows who will need the things we sent to Goodwill. I am finding that I am seeking God more and more in the little things. For those of you who know me well, and my control freak nature, this is a really cool thing.

The rusty nail...the baby...the clinic...and the shot

2008-01-22T19:52:00.000-06:00

Okay, so Tuesday night, James was taking apart some shelves. I felt the need to give my opinion on how it should be done, instead of just trusting my husband (imagine that). James told me to go inside and rest, but I decided to show him where he should step on the shelf. Well, there was a nail that I didn't see, where I was telling James he should step. It barely went through my shoe, but it did break the skin. It bled only a little bit, and enough for me to start to worry. Of course, I could not remember my last tetanus shot. I knew it was some time in high school, when I cut my finger on a nasty piece of wire in the barn. I figured it was early high school rather than later high school, and sadly more than 10 years ago.
I called my doctor this morning, and they affirmed what the Internet said regarding pregnant women getting the shot. However, they did not give the shot, nor did my regular doctor. They told me to try the health department and walk in clinics. Of course, the health clinic was closed, and I really wanted to go there just to see my friend Rachel, but she was not going to be there. I called the Covenant and UMC clinic on Quaker to see if they gave the tetanus shot. They both said, 'yes', and my plan was to go to the one that had the less sick looking people in the waiting room. Covenant was packed, so I went to UMC. Just FYI for all you pregnant folks, or future pregnant folks UMC will not take pregnant walk in patients after they are 20 weeks. I left very frustrated, but thankful that it worked out the way it did because there were lots of sick people in the waiting room. I thought that was the last place I needed to sit for 2 plus hours.
We had a doctor's appointment today. It went very well. The baby is breach right now, again. His head is above my belly button and his little feet are right on my bladder. Yes, I feel his kicks often, and have to go to the bathroom often too! He was uncooperative with his pictures, again. He was moving a ton about an hour before the appointment, but went to sleep when the camera came on. This did allow the dr. to get good measurements and a good heartbeat reading. He reassured us that he is a boy. ;)
The dr. reassured us for the need to get a tetanus shot, and I left to go to Grace clinic. An hour and 40 minutes later and shot I left the clinic.

I love being pregnant

2008-01-21T18:35:00.001-06:00

I LOVE being pregnant. I know that is a bold statement. I can honestly say I am thankful for the backaches, 3 trips a night to the bathroom, bloated-ness, tight pants, and every other negative aspect of pregnancy. I have found myself tossing and turning at night thanking God for this experience and the opportunity to lie awake at night.
I know my last post was about being thankful for this pregnancy, also. But, I have become so filled with amazement and awe at what God is doing in our lives through this pregnancy.
Each time the baby moves, I can’t help but say ‘thank you, God!’ Each time, I see my rather huge stomach, I am filled with such joy (and at times wonder at how I could be so big already.)
God has truly worked a miracle in our lives by giving us our son. I know that the baby is a gift from God, and a testament to the Lord’s faithfulness and love.
As, I was thinking about writing this post, I remembered back to the time before we found out we were pregnant. I remembered the miscarriages, the months of disappointment, and the bitterness I felt toward God. My attitude then was far from what it is now. It amazes me how the Lord allows us to go down roads that are not always the ones we would choose to get to the place He wants us, broken, needy, and reliant only on Him. I do not believe that I would be at the place I am now, if it weren’t for the journey. Through this journey, I struggled to be thankful and recognize the blessings in front of me. Now, looking back though I see how God used this fertility battle to bring people and events into my life. I would have never gotten my masters, made the friends that I have, or experienced the grace and love of Jesus had we had a baby when we first started to try. A wise friend told me that the timing of God has been perfect for us, and she is so right. Who else but the Lord can plan a birth at the first of May, so a teacher has a month plus all of summer with her precious baby boy? We tried to plan and plan and plan a baby, but only God knew the perfect time for us to have a child. He knew the plans He had for us all alone, and it just took us surrendering to those plans to be blessed with our little miracle.
I am rambling, as I do so well. It amazes me the depths of our God’s grace and love, and once I start to reflect on it, I just keep going.
We have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. I will update soon, with pictures.

Joy and water exercise

2008-01-10T18:03:00.000-06:00

I have been feeling the baby move for a few weeks. Over the Christmas break though, I really started feeling him move consistently.
Feeling him move is the most amazing thing in this world. Each time, it brings me a joy and feeling like I have never felt before, emotionally and physically. Each time, I am so thankful for his wiggly movement, even in the middle of the night. James has even felt him move a few times. When I lay down at night he gets very active until I go to sleep. He 'got' James a few times pretty good.
I thought that our little guy would bring us joy and we would love him, but I am blown away by the am out of joy and love we have for our baby.
My doctor let me start going to water walking/aerobics. I have been once, and really enjoyed it. It is really relaxing. I have done nothing in the form of exercise in 6 months!! Do not worry, I am not over doing it. I stopped as soon as I thought it was time.

PASSED!

2008-01-02T18:49:00.002-06:00

I passed my principal certification test! I am now officially certified and finished with the program (once I pay the state of Texas for the certification).

Oh yea, I GRADUATED!

2007-12-24T10:22:00.000-06:00

I forgot to post about my graduation. Although, a monumental event, it has not been the highlight of this semester.
I graduated with my masters in educational leadership this December. I loved every minute of going back to school. I can now be a principal, scary!
I plan on going back to school in the summer to pursue my PhD. I really enjoy going to school. It is almost a hobby. The past two years, it really has been my hobby because I haven't had time to do anything else.
That's it for now.
Happy Christmas Eve!

Pictures!

2007-12-24T10:05:00.000-06:00

Our Baby at 19 weeks.

He did not want to have his picture taken. :) He is already being stubborn. He gets that from his Dad! ;)

It's a BOY!!

2007-12-20T20:30:00.001-06:00

It’s a…BOY! We had a 19 week ultrasound with the specialist on Thursday. The baby is definitely a boy. We are thrilled, relieved, and amazed at the Grace and Faithfulness of our Lord. Everything looked to be developing and in place as it should be. Praise God!

I started to doubt a little that it was really a boy. So many people said the first prediction could be wrong, but I could not shake the feeling that it was a boy. Today, before the doctor’s appointment, I realized that it was without a doubt a boy. I prayed for a boy. Even though, I was praying for a child, I prayed for a son. God never ceases to teach me something through this journey. I prayed for something specifically and He provided exactly as I prayed. I know that He has known all along that we would have a son, but He used this opportunity to show me that I should really be seeking Him in everything, even the little things I try to control.

If you have never read 1Samuel 1, I would encourage you to do so. God used Hannah’s story to truly bring me to my knees and break me. I have prayed Hannah’s prayer so often, and read her story over and over.
9 Once when they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on a chair by the doorpost of the LORD's temple. [b] 10 In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the LORD. 11 And she made a vow, saying, "O LORD Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head."

In this passage, it goes on to show the praise that Hannah shows after Samuel is born.

27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD." And he worshiped the LORD there.

Our Son is the Lords’, and has been sense he was created inside me, and will be all of his life. I can not even express our thankfulness and love we have for this child. I truly feel blessed by him in only the few months I have been pregnant.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday.We have been given a gift that is truly a miracle, but does not come close in comparison to the Gift of Our Lord in Jesus Christ.
Love to you all!

It's a ....

2007-11-20T21:14:00.001-06:00

BOY, MAYBE! The doctor bet us a $100 that it was a boy. :) My gut and James' is that it is a boy, and has been the entire pregnancy.
Let me back up....
After waiting an hour and 45 minutes, we finally got to see our baby. He (as the dr. called him) was breach, so we got a good look at his little boy parts.
We could see the heart beat very clearly, and all the major parts.
I am measuring about a week ahead of my due date, but that is nothing to worry about now the dr. said.
I got back at 19 weeks for another sonogram (December 20th), and then at 21 weeks for a 3D sonogram. That one will be the week after Christmas.
What a huge blessing!
We have so much to be thankful for this year. I am so thankful what we have endured to get this baby. These things have allowed me grow in the Lord and that is something I would never take back. The Lord has used this struggle to put wonderful people in my life that have given me wisdom, love, and support.
I hope you and your families have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Much love,
The Garzas

Nothing much to update

2007-11-11T17:16:00.000-06:00

I had a sonogram for this Thursday (the 15th), but it was rescheduled until next Tuesday (the 21st). We will know a lot more from that sonogram. Right now I am 13 weeks and 3 days. I will be 14 + weeks when they do the sonogram. They MIGHT be able to tell us the sex of the baby! YEA!!
I am feeling okay, and everything seems to be going okay. I have no idea how I am supposed to feel or what is the 'right' way to feel right now. I seem to be getting some of my energy back. Right now the hardest thing is trying to not sleep on my back. ;)
I have started trying to eat better. The only thing I did really well the first trimester was drink all of my water. That is not to say that I only ate junk every day, but some days there was a cheeseburger and fries. I am starting to definitely 'show', and have decided that maternity pants are the way to go. I have on pair of jeans (my 'fat' jeans) that I can still 'get into'. My long shirts still fit, but that is about it.
Have a great week!

Timeline of this Journey

2007-11-03T21:32:00.000-05:00

Many people have just recently found out about this pregnancy. I have had so many people that know us say that they had no idea everything we had been through. So, I thought a timeline might help people understand the road we have been down.
It is hard to even remember when it all started. It seems like it was so long ago.
A little history. I have had a history of female problems. In high school my doctor told me getting pregnant might be a problem, but not to worry about it. 'Problem' really didn't begin to explain what we have gone through.
I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) after about 3 months of no pregnancy. (End of 2004)
I was put on clomid to help to ovulate and metphormine (a diabetes medicine to help control my hormone levels.) We did this for about a year off and on with no luck.
I found out I was pregnant in May of 2006, but miscarried very early on.
Then in August of 2006, with no clomid, we found out I was pregnant again. I switched doctors because I was not happy where I was and was recommended to a wonderful doctor who takes very good care of me. My progesterone levels could not be stabilized, and when we went in for an ultrasound there was no embryonic growth or a heartbeat.
I had to have a D&C (surgery) and was sent home to just 'not worry' and 'keep trying'.
Finally in April of 2007 my doctor sent me to a fertility specialist. We knew the specialist would be very expensive and put my body through all sorts of ups and downs to say the least. We had struggled and prayed about whether this was the right thing to do.
I had diagnostic surgery that found out that I had PCOS and endometriosis. These things had wrecked havoc on my life in other ways other than the pregnancy battle, and it was good to finally realize why I had some symptoms.
In June we did what is called super ovulation. I had take shots in my stomach and have my ovaries and blood levels monitored very closely. Everything looked perfect for a healthy pregnancy. I had many eggs, and we were so sure that it had worked. We found out though that it had not.
The doctor suggested that we do in-vitro sense there was no reason that the super ovulation did not work other than I had something they could not diagnosis with my tubes.
So after much thought, talk, and prayer we decided to go through with it.
Once again, I took shots every night for 2 weeks in my stomach, 4 shots to be exact. Then, they did the retrieval and implantation, and I began shots in my hip until just last week.
Well, that is what we have been through to get to this point.
I worried about my emotions and ability to handle the good and/or the bad through all of this. What if we were/are disappointed again. Finally, God got me to the point that either way I realized We would be okay. I would love and serve my God no matter what, and be thankful for the wonderful marriage and husband that He gave me. I realized I had His grace, and that was more than sufficient for me.
That pretty much gets us up to where the first blog started.
I hope this update helps everyone understand. There might be some terminology that most don't know about. Google is a great thing if you need to use it. ;)

Picture!

2007-10-31T17:24:00.000-05:00

The latest

2007-10-31T17:21:00.000-05:00

First:
I just got my progesterone level back. It is at 16.8. They like it to be above a 20. Of course, I am in panic mode. From what the nurse told me there is really nothing they can do at this point. My placenta should be making what I need. It is still really unnerving for us. I would appreciate all of your prayers (I know you are all praying all ready).
Second:
Well for those of you that don’t know, or have suspected, I am pregnant! It has been a long journey to get to this point, and James and I are filled with JOY! Yesterday, we went for our 12 week sonogram. (Technically, I am not at 12 weeks until tomorrow). The baby looked perfect from what we could see. It was moving and wiggling almost the entire time. We could see its tiny arms and legs dancing around the screen. It was still long enough to get measured (It is 57mm, about the size of a larger lime or fig.), but it would not stay still long enough to measure its heartbeat. The heartbeat looked good, and they told us this was nothing to worry about and happens a lot when the baby has room to move. We have almost 10 minutes of video. You can even see its tiny hands and thumb at one point. They took me off my progesterone shots last Friday. I had my blood work done again yesterday. My level has to stay above 20 for the baby to be safe. We are waiting on those results. I was released from the specialist to go back to my normal doctor. I will still be monitored closely, and they have me and the baby coded as high risk because of my past. I love my regular doctor and know they will take great care of us. I am still taking it easy, and James takes great care of me. So many of you (and your friends and family that I have never even met) have prayed for our family over the past months, and even years. We appreciate your love, prayers, and support more than you will ever know. God has been very faithful and giving through this whole process. He has used this struggle to teach us and grow us closer to Him. I have pictures and video that I will gladly show off if you would like to see. We are still not in the clear, but our chances of this baby making it are looking up now. I have put off buying maternity clothes (Thanks to my wonderful friends who have hooked me up with clothes already!), and any thing for the baby because of my fears. I think I will slowly start making small purchases. Once we find out if it is a boy or a girl, I am sure I will not be able to stop.

Taking me off the shots

2007-10-26T16:45:00.000-05:00

I found out today that my progesterone is at 28. It was at 60 last week, and dropped to 28 with only taking 1/2 the dosage. I am really concerned, not about the level, but about my body's ability to produce the progesterone on its on. The placenta should be taking over now, and the research shows that high levels of progesterone outside the normal range lead to birth defects. God knows we do not want that either. From what I saw on the Internet, progesterone levels vary pregnancy to pregnancy. In the first trimester 28 is a little above middle of the road. The nurses keep saying that anything above 20 is good. I just worry, because of the 'what if'. What if it drops below, what if my body can't sustain the pregnancy? I know that I am going to worry myself to death if I let myself play that game. Thank goodness that we can cast all our anxieties and fears on the Lord.
This weekend is a busy one. My mother, grandmother, brother, his girlfriend, James' mom and step dad, aunt and uncle, cousin and his girlfriend are going to be here tonight for dinner. James' dad is driving up my new (well new for us, it's a 2006) Tahoe. I am very excited about that. My brother is up at the Texas Tech Rodeo in the morning, and James family is going to the game. I will be at home probably sleeping.
I am really excited to see everyone. It should keep my mind off things.
We have a sonogram on Tuesday. I will be 11 weeks and 5 days at that point. This should be a very telling day.
Thank you all for your prayers and support.
Love to you all,
Dana

The recent

2007-10-20T14:07:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone-
Well, Friday was a great day! My progesterone levels stayed stable at 1cc of progesterone, and they have lowered it to 1/2 a cc this next week. If all goes well, I will be off all my shots, and all my other meds next week.
The first sonogram is Tuesday, October 30th.
I finally broke down and told one of my classes I was pregnant. I wanted to wait until at least 12 weeks. I got tired of them always asking what was wrong with me, and why I had to go the Doctor. One student told me he thought I was had what his mom had. I told him his mom had 3 (kids) of what I had. I then went on to explain I was pregnant, but high risk which meant I could loose the baby. We'll see if I get sympathy from a group of 8th graders. ;)

Levels and the latest

2007-10-14T14:54:00.000-05:00

It was a great weekend! Tech won, 35-7 against the Aggies. This was the first A&M home game I have missed in 7 years. The Raiders pulled it off without my cheering.
All of my brother in laws were in for the game. We had such a good time. God has blessed me with an amazing family. I love them all so much. I wish we were all closer so we could spend more time with them.
I also got to see one of my bffs, Brooke from Dallas. I miss this girl so much. We only had a few minutes to catch up, but it was wonderful!
My levels looked good on Friday. They have begun to take me off my progesterone and other medicine I have been taking. They have to do it slowly so I don't have any withdrawals.
Please pray that my body will produce the necessary progesterone on its own.
Friday was the start of week 9. I am still tired and a bit more nauseous than I have been in the past. Something has been in the air this week that has my allergies acting up. I refuse to take anything other than Benadryl. I am a bit of a paranoid freak about stuff at this point.
All seems to be going well. I just feel like I sleep, eat, and go to the bathroom all the time. In fact I am about to go take a nap now during the Cowboys game.
Love to you all!

Levels latest

2007-10-05T17:19:00.001-05:00

My progesterone was in the 70s yesterday! This is great! Next week they plan to start weening me off the progesterone until I a taking zip. When you are at 12 weeks your placenta should produce the amounts you need.
Today marks 8 weeks! I am very excited to get this far. I still worry about every little pain or weird feeling I have. I know though that I have to just give all that up to God.
I went today to buy some maternity clothes. Yes, I already had to buy new clothes. I weigh once a week, and (no, I am not lying) I have not gained any weight. (That said, I must say that I gained 5 pounds before the embryos were transferred.) However, all the extra fat I had (which was a lot) migrated to my already large mid section. It's like everything softened and settled right around my middle, and it's a lot like I am bloated every day. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. I am thankful and loving every minute of it. Plus, my wonderful friend Raynie is bringing down some of her cute stuff to borrow. What a blessing that is!
I hope all is going well with everyone.
James and I (well James is and I am telling) are cleaning out closets upstairs. I am trying to get rid of the clutter and organize. I need to have a garage sale, but it's going to Good Will.
I am still not going to the football games. It brought me both joy and pain to know that I would not be going to the A&M game next weekend. It is bitter sweet but definately more sweet that I can not go.
That is all my ramblings for now.

We saw a Heartbeat!!

2007-09-29T17:16:00.000-05:00

I don’t even know how to start this other than PRAISE GOD! We had our 7 week sonogram today, and everything looked perfect. There was a perfect round yolk sak that forms the placenta, a tiny little baby, a detectable heartbeat, and over all relief for James and me. You could see the little heart beat just flicker away on the screen. We have a video and pictures. Right now he (or she) is measuring right at 7 weeks like they should. I don’t go back for an ultrasound until 12 weeks. I will still go for weekly progesterone level test. I don’t have my current blood work back, but will get it this afternoon. I am still supposed to ‘take it easy’. I have gotten very good at that. Thank you all for your prayers and concern. I could not have made it through this without all you! Have a great weekend!
Much love, Dana

It amazes me at how the Lord comforts you and brings you peace in so many ways. While driving to the doctor’s office, with a sick feeling in my stomach a Third Day song came on the radio. It is called Tunnel. My hope and prayer is this baby is the light at the end of this fertility tunnel.

Well I won't pretend to know what you're thinking And I can't begin to know what you're going through And I won't deny the pain that you're feeling But I'm gonna try and give a little hope to you Just remember what I told you There's so much you're living for There's a light at the end of this tunnel There's a light at the end of this tunnel for you For you There's a light at the end of this tunnel Shining bright at the end of this tunnel for you For you So keep holding on You got your disappointments and sorrows You ought to share the weight of that load with me Then you will find that the light of tomorrow Well it brings new life for your eyes to see So remember what i told you There's so much your living for There's a light at the end of this tunnel There's a light at the end of this tunnel for you For you There's a light at the end of this tunnel Shining bright at the end of this tunnel for you For you So keep holding on Keep holding on

Levels and the most Recent

2007-09-21T18:02:00.001-05:00

Hey
I just wanted to let ya’ll know that all my levels still look ‘wonderful’.
They did not do a sonogram as they would not be able to see much yet. Next week they should be able to see a tiny heartbeat. Each time my blood work is good I am so thankful but worried as the same report came back last time I was pregnant. But, I am trying to not allow that to influence my joy and excitement about this pregnancy.
I think I over did it today, so I am in bed for the weekend.James is being wonderful he has gone to the store for me and is keeping the house as clean as possible.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Dana

No news is good news

2007-09-20T20:21:00.000-05:00

We have a dr. appointment Friday at 12:00. I don't know if they'll do an ultrasound or not. I know they will do blood work.
As soon as I know something I will post, or rather I will post when I get home.
I went to work today and staid off my feet as much as possible considering there were 2 fire drills. My administrators are being wonderful, as is my great husband.
God has been teaching me about being fearful of His plan for our life, and how there is no need for this fear. He has been with us through all of this and known these events before we did. I know that He is using this for His Good. Recently, (Through Proverbs31.org, I discovered this verse in Deuteronomy 2:7.
7 The LORD your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast desert. These forty years the LORD your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything.
All this time I have felt to be lacking a child, but I know now that we are lacking nothing I also know that the Lord is watching over me and this baby.

Weekend Scare and Levels

2007-09-17T18:01:00.001-05:00

Saturday night I started spotting. I was very scared as it was different than last time. I called my nurse and she said to rest and keep my feet up. I also had to go in for an ultrasound on Sunday afternoon. They did the ultrasound and everything seemed to look okay. They could see one baby (but there could be another one at the next ultrasound??). They were looking for blood in my uterus that indicated hemorrhaging. Sense I am only 5 weeks, it was hard to see a fetal pole and yolk sak, but the nurse thought she could get a glimpse of one every now and then. This was hard for me because the last time I was pregnant they could not find the fetal pole and yolk sak. It was encouraging that they caught a glimpse of one.
The Dr. looked at the pictures and said there was no need to be put on bed rest, but I needed to keep my feet up as much as possible.
My progesterone is still stable, and my HCG is at 6,034. Both looked really great.
Thank you all so much for your prayers and concern. This weekend was hard, and a big scare for James and me, but through it all we knew it would be okay.
That is it for now.

This and that

2007-09-14T19:07:00.000-05:00

I have my comps on September 29th. Comps are what I have to pass to graduate. I have to have a paper turned in by Septemeber 27th. I am 1/3 of the way finished, and have no motivation to get the rest done. I will work on it Sunday. I think by typing it, I might get it done.
I am very excited about the weekend. James is smoking a brisket, and we are going to watch the football game at a friends house.
My mom came today. She had to have a biopsy on a mass in her breast. They have told her not to worry, but you never know. I am worried about her. Please lift her up in your prayers. She is very confident and upbeat that everything is okay. She has had one like this before, but still I worry.
We are going to watch a movie tonight. I doubt I make it through the whole thing. We will see.
I took a nap this afternoon, but I am tired again. I woke up only 2 hours ago. I could sleep for hours. I sleep so hard!
We are going to have to get a new fence with a concrete barrier around the bottom. The neighbor dog digs a whole big enough for Panzer to go visit. James knows better than to risk her getting out. I love that little dog way too much.
I am off to make a no bake cheesecake. Never mind the fact my pants are already tight.
I hope ya'll have a great weekend.

Had to share this

2007-09-12T18:35:00.000-05:00

I know that God knows this baby and the plans he has set out for them before they were created. It is amazing how much you love something that you have not even seen or know yet. I would not trade the last 3 years of our life for anything, because of how God has used it to grow our marriage, and my relationship with God. I know that I would have never come to the point I am not if he had not broken me, and put me on my knees before Him. Every time I try to explain this, I think of the Mercy Me song. It has taken a while but, I do pray that whatever it takes I can praise God, even through the storm. I promised, God, myself, and James before the transfer that no matter what I would love and serve God and through this, no matter what the outcome I would serve and love Him.

Bring The Rain Lyrics Artist(Band): MercyMe
I can count a million times People asking me how I Can praise You with all that I've gone through The question just amazes me Can circumstances possibly Change who I forever am in
You
Maybe since my life was changed Long before these rainy days It's never really ever crossed my mind To turn my back on you, oh Lord My only shelter from the storm But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray Bring me joy, bring me peace Bring the chance to be free Bring me anything that brings You glory And I know there'll be days When this life brings me pain But if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above because you are much greater than my pain you who made a way for me suffering your destiny so tell me whats a little rain

[1st Chorus] Holy, holy, holy Holy, holy, holy is the lord God almighty is the lord God almighty I'm forever singing [2nd Chorus 2x] everybody singing Holy holy holy you are holy you are holy

Level Update

2007-09-12T18:33:00.000-05:00

As of this past Monday, all levels look great.My hcg doubled as it should. It is now in the 600s and my progesterone was at 48. No, they can not tell if it is multiples yet. My ultrasound is at 7 weeks, which is September 28th.I am looking forward to that appointment and will feel more peace once I see there has been embryonic growth, and the heart beat.My bladder infection (oh yea, I had a bladder infection) is gone! YEA!

Original email

2007-09-12T18:32:00.000-05:00

Most of you have already read this, but here it is again.

I know for a fact I can not get through this without sobbing.BUT, they are tears of JOY! We found out today that we are pregnant! I was spotting just a little bit last night (as I did the other times I was pregnant), and I freaked out. I called the dr. and she had me come in today for all my levels to be taken. I could not wait to tell James in person, and called him immediately, sobbing. He didn’t understand why I was crying. At this point my HCG should double every 48hours. They are concerned because of my body’s inability to make progesterone on it’s on, and the spotting. I am taking shots every night and as long as it stays above 20, it is good. Right now it is at 33. I am still supposed to take it easy and stay off my feet when I can. I guess that means not standing up for every touchdown the Red Raiders score on Saturday. ;) That is going to be hard as a teacher, but my awesome friends at school will take great care of me. I go in Saturday for more blood work and will continue until my HCG is over 1,000. My progesterone will be monitored weekly, as this is the hormone that keeps you pregnant. I will be at 4 weeks tomorrow. They will do an ultrasound at 7 weeks. I am so excited, but filled with worry about my body’s ability to stay pregnant and to grow these baby (or babies), especially with my past history. Through out the last 3 years, I have recited and leaned on Jeremiah 29:11-14. It is a verse we all know so well, but has had such meaning to us over this time we have been in ‘exile’ and suffering. Also, Isaiah 41:10 has given me the strength to carry on a somewhat normal life, as well as Psalm 113:9 and Psalm:139. I cannot tell you how excited, relieved, and overwhelmed with God’s goodness I am right now. I know this journey is not over yet, and I will have a hard time resting easy until I hold our baby in my arms. However, I know that no matter what, I will love and serve my God. I wish I could call each of you right now to tell you this wonderful news. I couldn’t do it without crying. It has been all of yours support, love and prayers that have literally carried me through all of this. We will still need that through the next 9 months. My due date is May 16 th . That works out very nicely for a school teacher, as does my schedule this year sent from God. We love you all and will keep you updated with all the news to come,Dana and James I am sure I have left people off of this, please send it to them as well.11'For I know the ( A ) plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for ( B ) welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a ( C ) hope.12'Then you will ( D ) call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will ( E ) listen to you.13'You will ( F ) seek Me and find Me when you ( G ) search for Me with all your heart.14'I will be ( H ) found by you,' declares the LORD, 'and I will ( I ) restore your fortunes and will ( J ) gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,' declares the LORD, 'and I will ( K ) bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.'