Big decisions and prayer

I started this blog to inform the masses of where and what was going on with our fertilty. (see past blogs for the whole story), and now I am once again blogging about fertility.


Over the last few years, many of you have asked whether we will have any more children. And, our answer to that has been all over the place from no, to maybe, to yes, to no, etc.
As most of you know, we were able to freeze 3 embryos after the in-vitro process. These embryos were frozen in what is considered a perfect or near perfect state. They are the same state that the 2 embryos that were implanted when we got pregnant with Zach. At first, James and I were okay, donating these embryos to other couples, or allowing them to be used for research to help other couples that battle with infertility. However, when Dr. Dorsett showed us pictures of the embryos and said that they were frozen at a perfect state, it really made us start thinking differently and praying.
The ideal time to use frozen embryos maxes out at 5, but Dr. Dorsett would prefer it to be only 3. Well, this August marks the 3 year mark.
I am asking that you start praying for the decisions that James and I have to make regarding the use of these embryos. Several things have come up as points of concern and need for prayer as we look into going forward with this process.
The decision to use the embryos: Is this what God wants? Is this His will? Does He have in His plan for us to have another Child?
My emotional stability -I was broken, and torn by everything we did to have Zach. It changed me in so many ways, some for the better, but in some ways not. My priority is being the mother, wife, and women God has called me to be. I cannot feel, act, or go through what I did emotionally again. I would not be the mother and wife I need to be if I did. But, as you know I am easily consumed with an idea or what I want to happen. I need prayer that I am okay and peaceful no matter what the outcome of the in-vitro is. I need to be able to go through this process and not allow my heart to be consumed with the idea of having another baby.
Our marriage -The process to have Zach strengthened our marriage, yet changed it in many ways also. There were many disappointments along the way, and I ask for prayer that James and I would be there for each other and our marriage be strengthened not hurt by going through this process.
Zachary -With hormonal imbalances, transitions, different routines, etc, a toddler’s life can be turned upside down. We have been concerned with Zach and how a decision like this impacts his future. I have been comforted many times in Jeremiah 29:11, as I prayed this verse over Zachary from the beginning. We ask that you pray for Zach in this process, and his ability to adapt to a pregnancy, baby, and that he have a heart for Jesus and know him as his Savior! Zach will be going to preschool 2 days a week next year. Every day his sweet smile and laughter reminds us of the gift he is. Every runny nose, skinned knee, and even tantrum is cherished.
Finances -It AIN’T Cheap to have a Garza baby! J We are blessed, but financial decisions like this are always difficult. We know that a 2 nd child will change our budget, the way we live, etc, but the upfront cost is several thousand dollars if the in-vitro works or does not work.
God’s plan -In this decision, prayer for God’s perfect plan for a child is difficult for me. I want to pray for just one perfect healthy baby, and I find myself asking God not to give us 2, or 3, or 4 babies at once! How dare I put such a stipulation on God? I know that He will never give us more than we can handle, but having multiples is something scares us greatly! With any fertility treatment, multiples are always a possibility. And, with frozen embryo use, more embryos are implanted.
My health -Before and after Zach, I have had many minor health problems. I am going to need to get into good health for the in-vitro to have the best chance to work. I need to cut out caffeine, start exercising routinely, lose weight, and take better care of myself. I ask that you pray for self discipline because I like to eat and hate to work out. ;)
My career -Many of you know that it is changing, and brings about stress. The in-vitro process and pregnancy is time consuming. I ask that my job is flexible and provides the opportunity for the in-vitro to work. I ask that I be in God’s will and doing what he has designed for me to do. I love education and cannot imagine not working.
We are not sure if we will go through with this process, but our hearts have been open to having another child. I know that God has blessed us through Zach more than we ever imagined. His Grace is more than we deserve, but yet He gave us even more. The thought of having another child frightens me, and the thought of starting this process again brings to the surface emotions that I have pushed far away. I ask that you pray for us to have peace.

Relief!

Praise God, I am much better! I have a filling in my tooth again and the pain is nearly gone.
I feel almost back to my old self. I have been down and out for over 2 weeks. I can not tell you how nice it is to sleep and be able to do laundry and housework without pain. Thank you for your prayers.

The storms of life

The latest storm in my life started last week. I was feeling a little off and went in to the doctor. Turns out I had the flu, strep, ear and sinus infection. Praise God my mother in law was in town by chance. I did nothing but sleep for 3 days. After that, I still felt like death but managed to go to work on Friday. On Wednesday of last week, one of my molars started feeling weird. I had a root canal and crown on it 5 years ago and didn’t think much of it. I had my teeth cleaned on Friday and they found nothing. I was in so much pain Friday night and Saturday I had to call the dentist. He prescribed a round of antibiotics and painkillers which did nothing for the pain. Sunday night I had an emergency visit with a special dentist for an abscessed tooth. Right now I am still in a tremendous amount of pain to the point in effects my work, my parenting, my relationship with James. I get very nauseous from the pain and not much helps it. They just called in a new antibiotic to hopefully get me some relief. I wish at this point I had them pull the tooth, but at the time saving the tooth was cheaper and seemed like a better choice.
With all of that going on I am trying to seek God and what he is trying to teach me. He has made it clearer than ever that James is a wonderful husband and father. He has taken great care of me and just let me sit, and cry. I am struggling with handling the pain and staying sane. I know that God has a lesson in all of this, I hope that I ‘get it’. It hurts me so emotionally to not be able to play with Zach and give him what he needs.
I heard this song on the radio. It made me realize that this is not a tragedy. I’m trying to suck it up, but it is hard!Sounds like life to me it ain’t no fantasyIt’s just a common case of everyday realityMan I know it’s tough but you gotta suck it upTo hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedyIt sounds like life to me

15 months

The boots is 14 months.

WOW Time flies

Where to begin

Where to begin…
I guess what is on my heart.I want to LOVE and KNOW JESUS better! I get so caught up in “me, me, me” that I do not put what matters most 1st. I know that to be the wife and mother that God has called me to be, I am going to have to put Jesus in my life in more places. What and how I am doing on that will come later.
I am currently, exhausted. No, I am not pregnant. But, it is that kind of exhaustion. Work is kicking my butt right now. I love what I do, but I feel so tired and lazy when I get home. I took Zach to daycare one morning and did not see him until the next morning. I told my boss that would never happen again. I am blessed because he totally understood.
I am also an emotional wreck. I don’t know if it is my raging hormones, hot flashes, stress from work, lack of sleep, physical exhaustion or all of the above. I know it is the hormones and stress that cause triggers these emotional lapses, but I hate it. I hate not feeling stable and not having it together.
We took a test at work about what color you are, and I am gold. That is not surprising, but I being gold is not always a good thing. I have to learn that when the plan, the schedule, and how I have planned everything in my head without even meaning to plan it doesn’t go my way it is okay.
My dear friend taught me so much about grace. I am currently living on that hope and faith that she taught me through God’s words. His Grace is sufficient. He is enough. I have to remember and cling to that daily.
Zach brings us more joy that we could have ever imagined. We are so blessed by him. My recent surgery has us thinking and praying about whether Zach will ever be a big brother. We are still unsure, but know it will not be for some time.

I can't even begin to blog about our summer. I need to so that it is on record. It was fun, exciting, and what I needed.

I need to be a better friend. I miss all of you so. Please know I love and care for you all. I may not comment, but I am reading again about your lives and sweet blessings.

Summer

WOW-June is gone and we are about to hit the road again.

We were in Disney for a week. Zach did amazing. He really LOVED it! Mickey was his favorite. He even did the "Hot Dog" dance with characters at a character lunch. I would take him back at 13 months again. At first I thought we were crazy, but it was worth the sweat to see his sweet face experience Disney. Everyone asks our favorite part, and it really was seeing Zach's eyes light up at all the excitement. He would point and say 'ook' at things. He clapped so hard during the shows.

Zach went home with my parents GiGi and Pops, for 4 days while I went to San Antonio to a great conference. It was such a hard 4 days without him. My Mom and Dad would keep him forever if they could. I got to go and spend about a week with my family in Cooper. I truly miss where, how, and who I grew up with. It is a very special place. Zach truly loves country life. He loves the swimming pool, kitties, horses, and his little red wagon. Zach's uncle Welton took him for rides down the steep driveway and into the field. I almost had a hear attack, but Uncle Welton assured me it was not his first trip.
We will be in Lubbock for a few days and then are headed to Corpus for a week. The plan then is for me and Zach to go back to my parents for one last week.

WOW! This Summer is almost gone now!

What a Year

This is my favorite picture. I miss sitting and holding him all day long!

These are some of the first pictures of Zach, with clothes on. ;)

This Saturday, May 2nd, is Zach's first birthday! What a year we have had filled with such JOY! I always knew that children were/are a blessing, but I have been blown away with what blessing Zach is. Each day, no matter the circumstance, his little face brings us such joy and happiness. I see in those big brown eyes, God's love, grace, mercy, and faithfulness. The sacrifice God made for me is even more real now.

I think back often of the dispair, hopelessness, and hurt in my heart trying to have a baby. How faithful our Lord has been to our family. How can we keep from singing his praise!

A few scriptures that are on my heart:

Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Ps 127:3

He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD. Ps 113:9

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jer 29:11

Spring Pictures

We have too much going on to even begin to blog about it.
Being a working mom is tough, but we are so blessed. Zach is growing and changing every day. He tool three steps on 4/09 but does not consistently walk by himself. He can really cruise if he is holding a hand though.
Here are some Easter/Spring pictures.
I always had colored chicks growing up. I am so thankful Kelly found some and Bianca took Zach's green chick home with her.

Okay, so as always I tried to upload too many pictures at once and blogger pooped out.
I will post when it it not almost midnight.

For now, what is on my heart:
I serve a risen Saviour,
He's in the world today;
I know that He is living,
Whatever men may say;I see His hand of mercy,
I hear His voice of cheer,
And just the time I need Him
He's always near.Chorus:
He lives,
He lives,
Christ Jesus lives today!
He walks with me and He talks with meAlong life's narrow way.
He lives, He live,
salvation to impart!
You ask me how I know He lives:
He lives within my heart.

Haircut

After

Right After

During

Before



My little boy looks like a little man now. Zach had his first haircut on Saturday. He did a really good job! I teared up for a minute.