Monday, April 12, 2010

Big decisions and prayer

I started this blog to inform the masses of where and what was going on with our fertilty. (see past blogs for the whole story), and now I am once again blogging about fertility.

Over the last few years, many of you have asked whether we will have any more children. And, our answer to that has been all over the place from no, to maybe, to yes, to no, etc.
As most of you know, we were able to freeze 3 embryos after the in-vitro process. These embryos were frozen in what is considered a perfect or near perfect state. They are the same state that the 2 embryos that were implanted when we got pregnant with Zach. At first, James and I were okay, donating these embryos to other couples, or allowing them to be used for research to help other couples that battle with infertility. However, when Dr. Dorsett showed us pictures of the embryos and said that they were frozen at a perfect state, it really made us start thinking differently and praying.
The ideal time to use frozen embryos maxes out at 5, but Dr. Dorsett would prefer it to be only 3. Well, this August marks the 3 year mark.
I am asking that you start praying for the decisions that James and I have to make regarding the use of these embryos. Several things have come up as points of concern and need for prayer as we look into going forward with this process.
The decision to use the embryos: Is this what God wants? Is this His will? Does He have in His plan for us to have another Child?
My emotional stability -I was broken, and torn by everything we did to have Zach. It changed me in so many ways, some for the better, but in some ways not. My priority is being the mother, wife, and women God has called me to be. I cannot feel, act, or go through what I did emotionally again. I would not be the mother and wife I need to be if I did. But, as you know I am easily consumed with an idea or what I want to happen. I need prayer that I am okay and peaceful no matter what the outcome of the in-vitro is. I need to be able to go through this process and not allow my heart to be consumed with the idea of having another baby.
Our marriage -The process to have Zach strengthened our marriage, yet changed it in many ways also. There were many disappointments along the way, and I ask for prayer that James and I would be there for each other and our marriage be strengthened not hurt by going through this process.
Zachary -With hormonal imbalances, transitions, different routines, etc, a toddler’s life can be turned upside down. We have been concerned with Zach and how a decision like this impacts his future. I have been comforted many times in Jeremiah 29:11, as I prayed this verse over Zachary from the beginning. We ask that you pray for Zach in this process, and his ability to adapt to a pregnancy, baby, and that he have a heart for Jesus and know him as his Savior! Zach will be going to preschool 2 days a week next year. Every day his sweet smile and laughter reminds us of the gift he is. Every runny nose, skinned knee, and even tantrum is cherished.
Finances -It AIN’T Cheap to have a Garza baby! J We are blessed, but financial decisions like this are always difficult. We know that a 2 nd child will change our budget, the way we live, etc, but the upfront cost is several thousand dollars if the in-vitro works or does not work.
God’s plan -In this decision, prayer for God’s perfect plan for a child is difficult for me. I want to pray for just one perfect healthy baby, and I find myself asking God not to give us 2, or 3, or 4 babies at once! How dare I put such a stipulation on God? I know that He will never give us more than we can handle, but having multiples is something scares us greatly! With any fertility treatment, multiples are always a possibility. And, with frozen embryo use, more embryos are implanted.
My health -Before and after Zach, I have had many minor health problems. I am going to need to get into good health for the in-vitro to have the best chance to work. I need to cut out caffeine, start exercising routinely, lose weight, and take better care of myself. I ask that you pray for self discipline because I like to eat and hate to work out. ;)
My career -Many of you know that it is changing, and brings about stress. The in-vitro process and pregnancy is time consuming. I ask that my job is flexible and provides the opportunity for the in-vitro to work. I ask that I be in God’s will and doing what he has designed for me to do. I love education and cannot imagine not working.
We are not sure if we will go through with this process, but our hearts have been open to having another child. I know that God has blessed us through Zach more than we ever imagined. His Grace is more than we deserve, but yet He gave us even more. The thought of having another child frightens me, and the thought of starting this process again brings to the surface emotions that I have pushed far away. I ask that you pray for us to have peace.


Ashley said...

Praying and praying for you friend. I can't fathom how huge this is. Love you!

Kristi said...

I know that you don't know who I am but after reading your blog I just wanted to let you know that we will also be praying for your family regardless what your decision will be.

I also know what you are going through since my husband and I can't have kids and we adopted our daughter when she was 1 day old and it cost us $20,000.00 and we so want to have another child but unfortunately prices have gone up to almost 35,000.00.

I have faith that God will only give us what we can handle. Good luck.

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