I have dreaded writing this email sense I found out I was pregnant. I have officially gone back to work. Friday was my first day, but today really feels like my first day. I am sure that it will be like a first day all over again next Monday when I leave Zach with the baby sitter, and another first day when school really starts.
Background-I have never imagined or thought of myself as a stay at home mother. I enjoy working. I have a new job for the fall where I will be in the classroom and have the flexibility to leave for Zach when he is sick and needs me. I have a great schedule that allows me more time in the evenings with him. I do not feel like staying home with Zach is what God has planned for our family.
With all of that said, leaving Zach has been the most difficult thing I have ever done. I don't even think it is the actual act of leaving him that is difficult, but all the thoughts that Satan allows to creep up and make me doubt our families decision. Such as, someone else will be with him more hours in the day than me, give him more bottles, work with him on how to read, write, count, and play with him. I am scared that I will miss something. I just don't want to miss a thing in his life. He is growing and changing so much every day.
After many prayers and worries from me, we have found a wonderful lady to keep Zach rather than put him in day care. She is my friends, hair dressers, mother. She keeps her 9 month old grand daughter and now Zach. I know that Janie is an answer to our prayers.
Please keep me/us in your prayers as becoming a working mother is a huge transition.
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James, Dana, and Zach
6 comments:
I totally understand where you are Dana...don't worry...think about how excited you'll be to see him at the end of the day! He knows who his mama is!
I have been there, am there, and will be there for the next few years. Continue to be the mother God called you to be and hold true to the TRUTH God calls you to and not the lies that Satan tells.
I will see you the 7th.
You know I am praying for you!!! Giving up control is a hard thing to do. But remember, even when you are with him, you are not in control, God is! The same God is watching him and in control of him when you are at work. That thought helps ease my mind while I have to be away from Gabe. Savor your weekends and evenings with him, and know that Zach loves you very much, and needs you much more, even though he can't verbalize it yet!
I will be praying! I understand the guilt and feel it personally when I leave Mali even for 5 or 6 hours a week. It is hard! I think you will get used to it though. Thankfully you have a teacher job with lots of extra time off that most mom's that are employed full time just don't get! I'm praying!
Awe Dana...I feel for you! I hope the transition gets easier for you. Why would you want to leave such a cute baby like him and go to work?!?
i remember that feeling when i dropped meredith off for her first day of daycare (when we were still at Hutch!).......remember me crying?! praying for you sista - seek the Lord's will for your life, and he will give you peace.
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