I had a wonderful friend tell me at the beginning of my pregnancy that I would never stop worrying about this baby for the rest of my life, and that some worry is okay and not something I should place so much guilt on myself for having. This helped me struggle with the battle I was having between trusting God, not worrying at all, and the guilt I was putting on myself for the worry. She explained that a motherly instinct is God given. I am not having the struggle of worry creep back up into my life. There are so many what ifs going on in my head right now regarding our baby. I joked with someone the other day that nothing about this baby had been conventional so I doubted that his birth would be. The realization that there could be issues with his lungs, issues with his breathing, and just issues with his arrival scare me more than anything. I love this baby more that I could ever have imagined, and every kick and roll is so precious and God given.
I know that God has our family and this baby in His hands and Zach will arrive in God’s perfect timing. Still, I want for him to be healthy, and safe. I want for him to be able to be in my arms. I have learned though that what we want is not always God’s plan.I guess I am writing all this to say, I am struggling with the unknown again. That seems to always be my struggle, not being willing to give up the unknown and have the faith that I should.
Please pray that Zach’s lungs will develop, and his little body would be perfect and healthy when he is born. Please pray that the doctor’s will have wisdom in how to care for us over the next few weeks. And, please pray that God would give this control freak of a soon to be mother some peace and guidance.